Thursday Link Dump

Clever Manka, · Categories: Thursday Link Dump

Abbey D’Agostino and Nikki Hamblin win gold medals in Awesomeness.

Women helping women and being rewarded for it despite the attitude of the misogynist who created the award, fuck yeah.

This article about improving your work ethic (which I translate as “internal motivation” because “work ethic” smacks of corporate capitalism and the demand for productivity over humanity) is perfectly timed between Foreign Lauren’s A Few Words from an Anthropomorphised Crisis and my upcoming post about goals (tentatively scheduled for September 7).

Yeah, when you were a smart kid who didn’t have to try especially hard to excel at the things that brought you positive reinforcement, you can end up not developing much of a persistence muscle. You didn’t need to! Things were pretty easy, and you were probably able to avoid anything that wasn’t easy for you without much trouble, because your talents lined up well with the things that school and most parents reward. Then you hit adulthood and discover that when you have to do something difficult, that persistence muscle is atrophied and weak and it feels easier to just not bother. That can work out okay when the difficult thing is “learn to paint” or “do the Whole30,” but it tends not to be a viable option when it comes to your job.

I’ve never had a head injury and I don’t have a neurological illness, but this article about cognitive fatigue still made me think oh, shit.

The author never says the word, and he might have never been called it (unlikely, but possible), but this is why I hate the term “trash” applied to fandom/fans. I grew up around and was friends with people who were called white trash on a regular basis. If they want to call themselves trash, that is their choice. It is not fandom’s word to reclaim. I tweeted about this over the weekend, but this is a big thing for me, so I’m including it here.

Black people need to be in SF. Black people are in SF. The fact that we are still explaining and defending that in the year 2016 is obscene.

I was surprised at how interested I was once I started reading the history of T.G.I. Friday’s and its decor. I remember the first time I sat in a (similarly decorated) Bennigan’s restaurant. It was right after we moved to Kansas, the summer of 1981, and we were new school clothes shopping in Wichita. I remember two things about the experience: their Monte Cristo sandwich and Mommy’s revulsion at the decor–not because it was kitchy, but of her concern about how they could possibly dust all of it.

There’s fake it ’til you make it, there’s gaming the system, and then there’s this guy.

Brazilian soccer star Carlos Kaiser had it all: exclusive contracts with popular teams, money, fame, and women. The professional soccer star was only missing one thing: the ability to play soccer. Arguably the greatest con artist in all of sports history, Kaiser (birth name Carlos Henrique Raposo) was able to maintain a career that spanned nearly two decades while playing in as few games as possible and never scoring a goal.

I’m honest and open about the fact that I perhaps spend less of my free time sober than the average person. It’s nothing that keeps me from getting things done and I’m fine with it. I’ve given up cigarettes (mostly) and casual sex (sigh). I’ve worked hard to overcome anger issues and emotional eating. I try every day to be a better person. Fuck if I’m spending my free time sober unless I absolutely have to. I still loved this article about women and their drink.

A woman with a single malt scotch is bold and discerning and might fire you from her life if you fuck with her. A woman with a PBR is a Cool Girl who will not be shamed for belching. A woman drinking MommyJuice wine is saying she’s more than the unpaid labor she gave birth to. The things women drink are signifiers for free time and self-care and conversation — you know, luxuries we can’t afford. How did you not see this before? I ask myself. You were too hammered, I answer back. That summer I see, though. I see that booze is the oil in our motors, the thing that keeps us purring when we should be making other kinds of noise.

Strikeout mine.

And finally, another music recommendation, found via this article.

28 Responses to “Thursday Link Dump”

  1. iosognodisonno says:

    I haven't read the full thing yet, but the section you pulled from the work ethic article really resonated. I actually do ok re: working hard, but I had a similar realization in early adulthood that I had never really learned to take criticism because I'd always been smart in the particular ways that are rewarded in schools. As a freelance wrier, it's been an ongoing lesson to figure out how to take feedback well without being offended or hurt by it and I still sometimes have to walk away from the computer for a bit after a critical email.

    I had mixed feelings about the women drinking article. Some of her points, I was right there with her. Others veered into judginess I'm not here for.

    Also, I live in a city with a heavy drinking culture and was surprised by all of her examples of feeling pressured to drink. Alcohol's common at most of the places and events you go to here, but if someone shows up and doesn't drink for whatever reason, people just shrug and do their own thing. A bartender that sends someone to a water fountain when they ask for a non-alcoholic drink in no way matches my experience of the world. Not that I'm questioning her experience, I just couldn't relate to it.

    • littleinfinity says:

      Yes – I think there is a special kind of perfectionism that comes from that kind of early experience. The idea that you *should be* able to do well without having to struggle or be criticized, and anything less is a failure. I am definitely still working on that!

    • CleverManka says:

      Yeah, I didn't like the judginess of the drinking article, either.

      I included it because I had never noticed how heavily booze is marketed to women. It really is everywhere: ads, greeting cards, shows, books. I'd never thought about it before and it was…sobering.
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    • vladazhael says:

      I kind of did the same thing when I read it earlier this week. Like, "yeah, wow… that's really infuriating." And then I poured myself a drink and sent it to the friend I drink with most often and noted that we done got called out again and then mutually resolved to keep the booze just under control enough so we can keep doing it. Because really, a) the coping mechanism WORKS, and b) the article was written by someone who is clearly struggling to overcome and move past a legit addiction that was fucking up her life, and she seems to know she's coming from a place of frustration. It was judgy as hell, yeah, but I didn't take it as prescriptive so much as "…yyyup". *toast*

    • FriendOfDaja says:

      With regards to the drinking article, I saw a really interesting take on it when it was making the rounds on my Tumblr dash. One person commented that, as a child of alcoholics, she read the article as blaming the drinking problem on anything but oneself.

      I liked the feminist slant of the article, but this pov was pretty interesting to me too (and I'm not sure how clearly I explained it, so here's the badly formatted link:….

  2. vladazhael says:

    This is the second time this week the words "history of T.G.I.Friday's" have skittered across my consciousness. The other time was in Moira Weigel's 'Labor of Love', which I am going to shamelessly plug here because I just finished speeding through it in a few happy-ragey days. I expected it to be good, but I didn't expect it to be *that* good. The subtitle "invention of dating" makes it sound like it's going to stay more rigidly within the lines of pop sociology than it does. 10/10, would recommend.

  3. Heathered says:

    ME: Well of COURSE there are Black people in San Francisco, gentrification is awful but it can't totally remov….Ooooohhhhhhh. Never mind. And yes, diversity in that other SF is needed always, lest it turn into a bigger space frat party than it already is.

  4. LaxMom says:

    OT but I need to vent:

    I'm trying to get this paper done, skipping karate and dancing to do it.
    Daughter has been in school since Mon, was sick yesterday, today has an entire final to study for (they were supposed to work through an entire science level over the summer and she did), and 4 5-paragraph essays due by tomorrow.
    She is freaking. She is also skipping karate. Did not want to go to dad's tonight–she doesn't have her own room there and can't study there. I told her it was on her to ask her dad.
    Dad shows up–admits he got the certified letter that I sent requesting over $1k in kid reimbursements, but lost it and doesn't know the amount. He has checkbook out, but Teen boy is in driveway pacing and girl is in doorway feeling guilty and I say I'll email him another copy of the bill, so that he doesn't throw a fit over girl not going on scheduled dad custody time.

    So, I should have insisted on the money, mistake one.
    As he puts checkbook in pocket, there is a shiny new wedding ring glinting on his hand.

    back to maya archaeology, back to feminist political geography, back to anything else but thinking about that.

    • vladazhael says:

      May it give him a rash.

    • LaxMom says:

      OMG the poor girl was up until 2 am on her stupid 8th grad language arts writing. She only stopped to eat dinner. She wrote all her essays. She made me promise not to go yell at the teacher, but I am fuming. This is my LAST kid in the middle school, the high school teachers are much more reasonable. I HATE the middle school english teachers. HATE THEM WITH A BURNING RAGE. It's only the 4th day of school!!!! (and technically because she was sick she should have gotten an extra day of school to make them up, but they never let the kids actually do that. Otherwise she could have written one yesterday and every night until Monday.) But c'mon, people. Assigning that much work the first week in?

  5. damngoodcoffee says:

    The work ethic/internal motivation piece is interesting, though I come at it a little differently: my problem, I've learned, is that I need to feel like I'm being heard & doing something that I think makes a difference. If I don't have that, I will still do my job, but I will have a real problem being motivated.

    Growing up I was absolutely smart and a perfectionist, but I also grew up with a psychiatric disorder (body dysmorphic disorder), so that perfectionism was never applied to my schoolwork or any kind of achievable goals; it was all about how I looked- changing the things that I felt were inherently 'wrong.' Once I got over that (after 8 miserable years), I actually became the hard worker I never thought I had the capacity to be. But if I'm in a job where I don't feel like I'm doing something worthwhile I will just be pretty miserable, and that's hard, because it's hard to find work that really aligns with your values. The one I have now does a pretty good job, but I don't think it's what I want to do for the long term, so I do have certain stretches where it's really difficult for me to motivate myself to do anything beyond the bare minimum.

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      It's so frustrating that "meaningful work" is so hard to find. WHY IS THERE OTHER KINDS OF WORK?

    • CleverManka says:


      As much as my current job wears on me (in all the ways), I'm grateful to be bolstered by the graduate students who appreciate me. They tell me straight up I make their lives easier. It feels so good when one of them says something like "that piece of information just made my day" or "I wouldn't have finished my application/exams/dissertation" without you. It really does feel good to positively influence someone's life, even in small ways.

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