Fuck You, TurnipGuest Post, · Categories: Guest Posts · Tags: progess, ritual
BRING THE TURNIP YOUR DISASTERS, PAIN, AND SHIT!
THE TURNIP WILL TAKE IT INTO THE FIRE!!
BURN TURNIP BURN!!!
FUCK YOU, TURNIP!
It’s that time again…time to put all the shitty parts of the year into a root vegetable and set them on fire.
The turnip sacrifice started as a joke and morphed into a satisfying ritual for cleansing all the mental and emotional SHIT that accumulated over the year. It’s my household’s way of clearing out the emotional cache and marking the changing of the year. (Years of living on an educational schedule means fall feels more like the start of a new year than January does.) The ritual itself is irreverent.
We carve a face into a turnip (or a rutabaga) and give it a happy rainbow sign that says some variation of “FUCK U YEAR.” The turnip head is then stuffed with descriptions of all the crap that happened in the previous year. It sits on the kitchen counter glaring at us for a while…anticipating its demise. Then, on the night of the sacrifice, we haul it out to a local park, make a BBQ pit pyre out of kindling and paper (political flyers, nasty-o-grams, etc.), light it up, and watch our troubles burn. Marshmallows and profanity are involved. When the turnip is thoroughly charred (and in no way edible) we throw its blackened remains into the river.
Setting root vegetables on fire doesn’t do anything to concretely or physically make our next year better. It isn’t magic, it’s psychology. It’s acknowledgement and release. It’s ritual and community. It’s fun and ridiculous. It helps us cope. It’s an ending.
Anyone who wants the shitty parts of their past year roasted over an open flame and ritually killed is welcome to comment so. Comment with what you want burned (you can be as cryptic as you want) — I’ll put it in the turnip sacrifice and post the photos (before, during, and after) here for your enjoyment.
We are Doc Paradise, Super-Villain and amoral genius CEO of Paradise Labs. With our army of minions, we provide “Evil Overlord” analysis to Super-Heroes and Super-Villains alike. I am also the person behind the persona of Doc Paradise. I’m a mediator, writer, and non-binary geek who works in engineering. I enjoy exploring issues of communication, relationships, conflict, health, and “what humans do”. I have opinions. Lots of opinions.