Mid-week check-in

Clever Manka, · Categories: Check-In

This is the weekly post for those of us who are traversing together this hellscape called Personal Growth. Brag about this week’s accomplishments, ask for support, talk about what worked, what didn’t. Tell us how things are going for you.

117 Responses to “Mid-week check-in”

  1. CleverManka says:

    Had a little bit of an uptick in energy on Friday and Saturday (not enough that I regretted canceling my trip tho) so I crashed a grad student Halloween party. Mostly because it gave me a chance to wear this year's Halloween costume more than once. I spent two and a half hours at the party, dancing, chatting, and indulging in a couple smokes. When I got home, I had a ridiculously difficult time falling asleep (I was in bed by 10pm for godssake), felt like I had the flu all day Sunday, and I'm still recovering.
    <img src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/clevermanka/1047329/190642/190642_original.gif"&gt;
    JFC those test results can't come back soon enough.

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      I'm glad you got to have some fun. The fall out, not so much.

      • CleverManka says:

        It was the final lesson/experiment I needed to fully realize that I can't go out to socialize anymore. It takes too much out of me. I'm making the sacrifice to see a friend of mine tonight and maybe next Wednesday for dinner because he's moving out of state next month but for the foreseeable future, I gotta have a new general policy of no going out once I'm home from work.

    • RoseCamelia says:

      I thought of you when LittleGirlDog was extra cuddly recently. Hers is not a cuddly breed, raising the value of the rare cuddle session. I have been gone a lot lately, only home to sleep, and she missed me. She demanded to be picked up and held. She rubbed the side of her head on my hand over and over, her eyes half closed. She pressed the side of her head against mine. She's so small, her entire skull rests on my cheek.

      With her furry warmth in my arms exuding affection, I felt content. The boost to my well-being included a little extra energy. I thought, "Manka needs some of this, a dose of dog therapy." If you're not a dog person, that's OK. We can distill the essence of LittleGirlDog's affection and you can apply it with a cat. LittleGirlDog says black mammals are best.

      • CleverManka says:

        Oh thank you so much. This brought tears, a little bit. I very much like other people's dogs although it's a rare dog who actually likes me–I have no idea why this is, dog's just aren't terribly keen on me. I've made my peace with it. Kitties are generally cool with me, though. The Burgomaster really wants a cat. Like, really really really wants a cat, but I'm still not over the loss of my One True Cat (going on seven years since she died) and I don't think I'll ever be emotionally equipped to have another indoor pet.

        Thank gods for our little squirrel friends.

      • Merripat says:

        That is so sweet, RoseCamelia.

    • Merripat says:

      Ugh, that is so terrible, I'm sorry. Could you at least take time off work?

      • CleverManka says:

        Not this week, not really. The other secretary left on Friday with a family emergency and we don't know exactly when she'll be back, but it'll be next week at the earliest. Tell you what, though, first day she's back, I'm taking the next day off. And unless I'm feeling a lot better next week, I'm taking November 4 off because November 5-6 is my next yoga weekend.

  2. Kazoogrrl says:

    Sat down last night and made a list of "things that we HAVE to do around the house before Thanksgiving. I don't want my parent's see the same unfinished painted bathroom again. Do I want to do these things? Hell no! Also schedule tree work for Fri. And I have to arrange to donate my old Honda, even though I was hoping to sell her for cheap to someone who might want her for parts or to fix up, but suddenly she doesn't start and I just can't deal anymore. This the season to get things taken care of.

    On the other hand, taking Fri off work to have fun, and to see the Nutshell Studies of Unexplained Death: http://www.deathindiorama.com/

  3. Räven says:

    I've been given a gift – and I mean that sincerely, because I've been fortunate enough to fatten up against this news – the gift of unemployment. My primary client has let me know they've blown through their 2016 budget already, and won't be booking new work until February when they've set their 2017 numbers. So that's a full quarter with potentially no income.

    And I'm a little stunned, and my rent is expensive, and my food tastes are expensive, and I'm not looking at the new healthcare rates just now nothankyou — but this is what my emergency fund is for, I'm blessed to have one and I've unlocked it…. and I Feel! So! Great! I'm so excited to just make work for myself, I can hardly sleep. I'm not wasting time on the Internet as much as usual, I'm not hiding in bed of a morning, I'm not buying small things to cheer myself up, I'm getting around to daunting projects like replacing my laptop hard drive, and mostly, I'm really making stuff. The kind of things I always want to do tomorrow but am too tired to do today, now they're my only responsibility. (I really, really like my career but it takes it out of me.) I feel, no joke, twenty years younger.

    So, I will need to reflect deeply on how to live more like this than I've been doing. And I'll need to seek out some new clients so I have a deeper bench to draw on, and I'll need to rebuild the emergency cushion. But this fall is the best fall I've had in forever, and for the moment (cross fingers it lasts) I'm so light of heart.

    • littleinfinity says:

      That is amazing. So happy for you that you're in a spot to enjoy and make the most of the funemployment! "The kind of things I always want to do tomorrow but am too tired to do today, now they're my only responsibility." <– THIS sounds incredible.

      • Räven says:

        Thank you. 🙂 I feel like as long as I can remember now, I've basically had the same open projects and no resources to devote to them, you know? And every night ended with a feeling of unease about why I don't seem to do the things I look forward to doing. This is such a rare moment, I need to figure out how to harness it.

    • Merripat says:

      Yayyayyay!! That is amazing! It's so great to have all this time and be able to really use it, instead of being so burnt out that nothing goes anymore.

      • Räven says:

        Thank you! I've been out of work before, including a couple of ouch-too-long idle interludes, and it has been… Much less good. I was lucky for a couple of years to make a little more money than before or since, and I didn't spend any of it, just banked it. (Thanks, 2013 me!) But I also did a lot of anticipatory work to handle this emotionally, because in the past if this happened I would wail in terror, then hide in the closet, then pace about like a wraith, then retire from society… And eventually I'd work again, having had a really horribly terrible time. And while I seriously don't underestimate the power of money, I think the emotional effort is what is really paying off right now. I don't feel that sick collapse of fear for the future, I have a couple of backup plans to trigger in midwinter if necessary, and I hope I'm not kidding myself, but I really feel prepared for this.

        • RoseCamelia says:

          You're not kidding yourself. You've done excellent prep. I want to be more like you.

          • Räven says:

            Well, I am going from past experience to tell myself that work will come again, and time is a gift (that work will steal from you) – and I believe that. But I have seen friends slip into the ranks of the longterm unemployed, so I am aware that sometimes, work simply does not return. If I'm hungry next summer I want to remember that this fall was worth it. (That said, I have a couple of backup plans for that too, and I think it's easier to make those when you don't need them than when you're already slipping. At least if you have a panicky and despairing animal nature, as I have.)

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      I'm so happy for you- it sounds like you know you have a great opportunity and this whole new path is open to you now, that's awesome!

    • Heathered says:

      Wow, that is BADASS. Congratulations on being so adaptable and digging the good out of a potential bad time. Also, yay for making stuff!

      • Räven says:

        When they told me, I was like…. <oh god, I have a look on my face, don't I, and I'm not saying anything. I should nod. I should say something. I should attempt to not have this look on my face.> But it has gotten better!

  4. Onymous says:

    The bake sale went fairly well once everyone showed up. I signed up with Square halfway through and now I take plastic. My food sold the best (Australian Women's Weekly ANZACS and Smitten Kitchen's Double Chocolate Banana bread)
    I still hate retail so much though, I do not have the constitution for carnival barking. Which gives me the hives a bit because everyone else in the club keeps coming up with new arts and crafts they wNt to sell.
    In combo ban men/feeling isolated news one of the club members that I was hoping would be cool, because he's in the class sequence with me and is 36 so old enough that I don't feel weird around said and I quote "I'm tired of dating white women, I'm a pretty good boyfriend and the last couple I dated were real bitches" "I wanna try dating a middle Eastern girl" "what is with these women wearing skin tight yoga pants over their paunch" he also spent 15 minutes shouting "hey you want a little sugar in your life" as a sales pitch before I told him to stop that shit because it's gross as fuck (I should have told him that 14 minutes and 59 seconds earlier).

    Ban Men.

  5. Rillquiet says:

    I took off most of the morning to hang out at the barn and meet with the saddle fitter, because Himself's owner and I wanted to find out whether the fit of his gear has been responsible for some of his behavior lately. The fitter is a hilarious British woman who talked about how her post-mastectomy implants vibrated to the bass at a rock show and meanwhile mumbled cabalistic things about muscle shelves and shims and gussets. Then she had him all geared up and sent me out in the ring while she and the owner watched. It was (is) the most beautiful autumn weather today, and Himself behaved really well; the fitter immediately agreed that the lack of knee rolls in the saddle is responsible for some of MY problems with keeping my legs still. "Well, he's got so narrow a barrel, hasn't he, and you the length of thigh, so as you try to put your lower leg on your knee pops out, that's just the way of it." Kudos to her for not just knowing how to fit tack but also leaving the riders feeling better about themselves.

  6. littleinfinity says:

    Yesterday we had our annual pre-Halloween party at my work… this is the one holiday we really go all out for, decorating cubes, pumpkin-themed bakeoff, costume contest, etc. I made a pumpkin spice latte layer cake (pumpkin spice cake, espresso frosting, whipped cream and caramel on the side), and I was proud of how it came out! It was pretty and yummy! But I got second place to some underwhelming pumpkin cheesecake bars so now I'm just going to stomp around complaining about how the system is rigged. 😉 Just kidding, I'm going to sit on my couch and eat leftover cake.

    On the plus side, the 2nd place prize was a $25 gift card to Starbucks, so all is not lost and I will have easy access to sweet sweet coffee.

  7. Merripat says:

    Krav Maga report!
    Had the first training session yesterday – I did a one-day workshop last year, but this time it's a 15 weeks long class. The instructor is pretty much your average middle aged fitness dude, but it's alright. I have trouble coordinating hands and feet at the same time and I worry a lot about doing it right and what people think of me when I don't. Krav Maga is based on instinctive behaviour/defense, but somehow my instincts work a little different. And the warm-up is challenging for me already. It's still good!
    I won't stop worrying soon, but at least I only worry about what's happening at that exact moment and not about everything else. And it's good to get energy (and anger) out.
    I wouldn't say I felt happy afterwards, but definitely stronger and more alive. More like myself. And that hasn't happened in a long time. Good decision, all in all!

    It's funny how you know things are helpful, but still don't do them – I mean, I know very well that sports are good for depression, but actually doing something is a whole 'nother thing. I'm glad I signed up for this, though.

    In other news, I'm ok today, but last week and the weekend were hard. This uni is so unorganised and this makes me so angry and sad. And I had a missed call from a friend from "home" (where I lived the last six years, I mean) on Sunday and I didn't call her back because I feared it would have only made me sadder.

    • CleverManka says:

      Thank you for updating us on the Krav Maga! Glad it's still good, even if the last week was rough. Hope today's okay-ness is a trend.
      <img src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/clevermanka/1047329/357925/357925_original.gif"&gt;

    • Räven says:

      Aw, call your friend this week if you can. When I was younger I went through a period like that (for me, I was embarrassed to tell friends how badly things were going, and I knew I wasn't ready to hear the excellent advice that anyone in their right mind would have given me) – and I so wish I had not allowed myself to self-isolate. Your friends love you, and it can be so restorative to talk to the people who know us, when we are feeling a little out of our natural selves.

      Also, your class sounds amazing – I know what you mean about not doing things that you know will help you! Deciding to do them despite reluctance can really build a feedback loop – the better you feel, the more you can do things that make you feel better. It's so great you went for it.

      • Merripat says:

        I'll try to. She already knows I'm not ok, but I don't think she has a lot of advice to give anyway. I just fear her chatter about how it's going at home, and about our friends who are having their first baby next month – I miss all of them and this weird little town so much. But of course I don't want to lose contact to them, so it'll be better to get in touch soon – it's only going to be harder if I wait longer.

  8. LaxMom says:

    So I got bit by a bat and I have no time to post but I've been trying to hold this in and I can't and my life feels like it's coming apart at the seams.
    So I woke up the Sunday morning after the halloween party with two perfect holes in my thumb.
    We can't find the bat.
    I'm getting post exposure prophylaxis for rabies. The vet, state health dept, and county health commisioner disagree on how to treat my animals. which BTW aren't really mine, they are the landlords', but guess who is the only one who can touch them now? And my mom is flipping out, and my dad is flipping out, and I don't have to kill all 10 rabbits, the one cat has a stay of execution, but they need to stay in my bedroom quaratined for the next 45 days and if they so much as lick anybody (like, my kids or mom), then that person has to the get whole month of shots, too.
    I can't eat (shots and stress), can't sleep, my mom is insisting that I just euthanize the animals (which technically aren't mine) now so that my kids aren't at risk, my landlady could care less when I told her that I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL getting RABIES SHOTS but a day later when I told her I had to put down the cat? THEN she cared. Has no idea WTF kindof risk she is putting me/kids in. Hasn't even called since the original call to arrange an exterminator or anything.
    I've made it about 3 hours without ugly crying today.

    • CleverManka says:

      Christ Almighty, bb. The universe needs to give you a fucking break already. WHAT THE HELL.

    • Merripat says:

      Oh no. Oh no. I am so, so sorry. This is fucking terrible, but you know that already. I wish you all the best. There just has to come a better time, and soon, it's really enough.

    • Crivens_the_hag says:

      Holy. Shit. WTF, universe? I'm so sorry. 🙁
      You are caring for a crap ton of other people's animals! I hope the bat can be found and removed (and tested!). AND access denied to any future flying rodents.
      I wish I lived closer, I would bring you food and a sympathetic ear. And a tennis racket.

      • LaxMom says:

        only 2 rabbits and 2 cats are theirs. The other 2 adult rabbits and 5 babies are ours. The killer is we had adoptions lined up and it will have to be another 2 weeks before we can give them homes. But at least I don't have to kill them, OMG I was sobbing about it yesterday.
        If the cats show any symptoms I have to euthanize them immediately, but they are both vaxed and got boosters (well, the second one goes in tomorrow). But the 45 day thing is gonna be killer.

        FYI, tennis rackets are bad. You can't damage the bat's brain or they can't test it for rabies. No tennis rackets. (I have learned a lot this week).

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      FUCK. Jeeze… I'm so sorry. I'm glad you don't have to kill any of the animals and hope everything passes as fast and simply as possible.

    • Heathered says:

      I hope this resolves as peacefully as possible for your and your animal charges' sake. Did you see a bat, or just find bite marks? I only ask because I've had spider bites that were two perfect punctures like that (no bats in my bedroom at the time and it happened overnight & was a facial bite). I'd just be so relieved if you were only worried about tarantula poisoning and not rabies. (That's my attempt at humor, sorry.)

      • LaxMom says:

        Nah, I need all the humor I can get!!! We don't have tarantulas in Ohio, although we have wolf spiders that can get that big, but their bites are much smaller. Also a sign of a bat bite is that it's often not even noticed–no pain or swelling or anything, which is what this is like—not like a bug bite at all.

      • LaxMom says:

        How bad is it to get a tarantula bite on your face? I would have been terrified!!

        • Heathered says:

          It was a mystery spider, presumably not a black widow (we have too many of those here) because those get painful quickly & you generally need emergency anti-venom. Scabby and kind of weepy, which was gross, and then it did something funny to my lymph nodes and I had a really big swelling under my chin for about a month that eventually went away. Spiders = weird. I've seen wolf spiders! So scary but really benign. Makes it hard to remember to just put them in a cup and take them outside when they look like giant monsters. I'm keeping a good thought for you and the menagerie to get through this okay.

    • vladazhael says:

      DAMN that's a lot of mess. I'm sorry. Would it help if I point out that it's exceedingly rare to actually get rabies from a bat, and it's mostly a legacy of phobias and lack of desire to get sued that makes health departments disproportionately freak out about such things? I mean be careful, of course, and follow the precautions and all, but you and your animals are probably going to be just fine as long as the other humans around you can manage to keep their heads on straight. I hope it all goes as peacefully and healthfully as possible.

    • pseudonymica says:

      A bat bite?! I can never decide if it's consoling or just adding insult to injury when bad events have a tinge of colorful plot twist to them. I mean, it's very appropriate to the Halloween season so it will make a good story someday, but I am so sorry you're dealing with this very real, very awful nightmare.

    • LaxMom says:

      So for the second time this week I'm sitting in the hospital parking lot trying to force myself to eat before going in to get shots. Of course today I'm freaking because, gee, with all this stress I caught a doozy of a cold, and if I go in there and have a fever lord help us all. There will definitely be overreacting then.
      You guys, I don't know if I would believe my own crazy life if it was a novel, it means so.much to be able to check in here and be heard.

  9. damngoodcoffee says:

    I've been trying not to get too stressed about the new term, and all the stuff faculty are already emailing me about. I had a staff meeting this morning, a talk on patents right after, and I just got back from speaking at a funding workshop. There's a meeting I said I might go to on social media for the library that starts in 10 minutes, but I'm skipping it b/c I have another meeting at 3 and ideally I'd like to take a break at some point.

    I haven't talked to anyone else about being ace, but again, I'm glad I'm even in a place where I felt comfortable enough to (kinda sorta) say it to someone. Part of my personal growth is just going to be me allowing myself to kind of re-frame my life as someone who is aro/ace; I don't need to worry about EVER 'finding someone' who's going to supposedly make me 'normal' and bring out feelings in me that haven't shown themselves in 30 years. I can focus on spending time by myself without feeling guilty over it, and building/maintaining other relationships, recognizing their importance in my life. Which I know, is good advice generally, but I grew up thinking there was something legitimately wrong with me for being unable to connect with people in that romantic/sexual way, and it's enormously relieving to me to be able to just let go of all that.

  10. silverandsnow says:

    I have typed and deleted three comments because they quickly turned into rants, so I will just say that I am DONE with working for a boss who thinks a day without a crisis is a wasted day and the three weeks until I am done with 2nd job cannot pass soon enough.

    • CleverManka says:

      Rooting with you for the next three weeks to pass fast.

    • Räven says:

      Oh the worst manager is a drama manager! a competent professional will rarely find the whole team has to pitch in on a crisis, because they will have actually done their job and the job will be done. But some people crave the adrenaline rush, and shipwreck their whole group in the excitement. GOOD LUCK FOR THREE WEEKS.

  11. vladazhael says:

    Rough weekend in the land of re-triggered anxiety issues, but finally reached a place of relative peace with this whole relationship clusterfuck by Monday evening (thanks, meds and/or turnip burning ceremony!), started therapy Tuesday morning (expensive because of high deductible, but I seem to have chosen a good counselor), and have been mostly free of my state of constant grief-panic since then. I'm still going to have plenty of Breakup Baggage to work out, but I've decided not to move out in an acrimonious huff for the time being. It's expensive, it's stressful, it's more of a commitment to anything than I want to make right now, I don't really want to live by myself and the ex is a pretty solid known-quantity roommate, and I've invested my share physically and financially and MORE than my share of emotional labor in the house we share now. I don't know if I'll heal better in the long run if I continue to share space with him or if I give up and find my own, but since at this point I'd be guessing at that anyway, I'll take the guess that's easier now and that I can undo later at my own pace, and meanwhile work on managing the complex feelings and such that I'd need to be working on regardless of where I lived. He has become a teenager, and I am learning to roll my eyes and disengage.

    • pseudonymica says:

      That seems like a very wise decision – and remember you can always abandon ship if the man-teenager becomes too much to deal with. (Assuming you have enough financial freedom to move out, which I shouldn't assume).

      I think I forgot to reply to your last reply about my polyamory and I want you to know that your acceptance meant a lot to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! My ex has become a four year old. He offered to give me one of his best toys – seriously. I collect dolls myself so I'm not bashing the fact of him having toys. But when I got the text I knew it was the closest thing to an apology I'm going to get anytime soon. I was tempted to forgive him but I did not because…yeah. I replied politely and I haven't had any other contact with him. I left town for the week to remove myself from any temptations on our favorite holiday and to recharge myself with family time. I have a six year old nephew and a two year old niece and I love them so much!

      Are you doing anything special to treat yourself, vladazhael? You should. Please do.

      • vladazhael says:

        Yes, fortunately, I do have the financial freedom to move out should it come to that, and a spreadsheet of local apartment research, but it's certainly cheaper and less hassle to stay at least for the time being. Man-teenager has been actually quite sensible and man-like over the past day or two, all things considered, and we talked for a while during a walk yesterday in ways that were surprisingly productive and non-painful for me. He seems more receptive than ever to exploring the option of counseling for some of his long-standing issues, and while I'm certainly not about to make it my mission to "fix" him, I'm encouraging that and hopeful that it will actually pan out, because it's a thing that needs to happen and should have happened long ago, regardless of whether I benefit from it in any way.

        And yes, I am being kind to myself – eating closer to normally, indulging in lots of Rifftrax, knitting and crocheting when possible, enjoying some cat therapy, and reworking my parents' trip to visit me so that they can stay with me longer – even through Thanksgiving – while the ex is traveling.

        I'm glad my reply meant so much to you, and glad to see you standing strong against the temptation to reconcile for the sake of comfort. I know that's likely to be a struggle for me in the near future.

    • meat lord says:

      [sends steadiness and strength through the comment box, despite being somewhat lacking in these qualities myself at the moment]

  12. Doc_Paradise says:

    The CSA I use finished off the season by giving us large bags of veggies. I am in great need of recipes for beets. Or brussel sprouts. Or carrots. (I'm drying the great mass of tomatoes for the freezer.)

    At the moment I'm soaking in the results of the turnip sacrifice and a very good therapy session. I'm actually feeling positive and competent. (And hungry.)

    • Heathered says:

      Ooh, beet-brussels sprout-carrot coleslaw! Hot or cold! I love beets grated into any salad raw, or also boiled or pickled. They're good (and very pinkening) in smoothies, too–earthy but not overpowering, nice with citrus. And I'd probably just steam up a heap of sprouts and carrots and top them with butter or salsa or both, OR throw them into any boxed rice pilaf mix for a veg boost. Wow, I just finished dinner and now I'm hungry.

    • Räven says:

      I turn out really to like beet greens (lightly sautéed with garlic) but beets themselves are sweeter than I like. Sarah Owens' sourdough cookbook has a recipe for beet bread that is magical though – basically roast and purée beets, and swap them for part of the water in your bread. The sugar sort of caramelizes the crust, it's very cool. Brussels sprouts: cut in half, sauté slowly in more olive oil than you think is correct, eventually add a sliced shallot. Eat as pasta sauce. I eat this probably four times a week from last week til March.

    • fiddlergirl says:

      A different way to use up beets: chocolate beet bread! I found this recipe last year when our farmshare was giving us tons of beets and I think it's shockingly delicious. The beets add a little extra texture and depth to the chocolatey-ness of the bread. It freezes well too, so you can make a bunch of loaves at once to take down more beets.

    • CleverManka says:

      When I have extra carrots, I boil them and puree them for a soup base (also makes a good sweet curry base). It freezes just fine, so it gets them out of your fridge without your having to eat them right away.

    • dancingcorvid says:

      All of those things roast really nicely! Carrots get chunked, beets get quartered or eighthed, brussel sprouts get their ends trimmed, and then just toss them in pans (I'd use separate pans because they all take different amounts of time) with olive oil and salt. Roast at 350 til soft. Things with high sugar content (carrots especially) will brown a little. You can add any other flavor to the pans you think goes with, or roast them plain; eat now, refrigerate for later or freeze for much later (like a month or two). They're nice chilled out of the fridge, or reheated in the microwave.

      • Doc_Paradise says:

        Hmmm… Your comment reminded me. I saw a cooking show make "Bubble and Squeek" from roast veggies. I could figure out how that works and give it a try with the roast veggies.

    • meat lord says:

      I have no recipe recs, but I'm excited on your behalf for your good state of mind and your mountain of veggies. Awesome!

  13. Heathered says:

    Dang, all I really wanted to do today was Mank out for half an hour and it took me this long. Work has become so ridiculously busy, I turned on the computer and had to turn down three decent-paying assignments & may have burned a bridge before completing a single piece for this company. Training for law library assistant gig, too, which is sporadic and very part time, but none of the training and running here and there and paperwork BS is paid, so I haven't even worked a day and already feel ripped off. Hopefully it turns out to be fun or interesting or something, but right now, ehhh.

  14. Räven says:

    Oh I hate turning down work! That is such a difficult navigation and something I have absolutely not mastered. Gah!

    • Heathered says:

      I KNOOOW! And I should have turned down the library gig & was *really happy* when the guy said I was unqualified and generally negative during my interview, so I have no idea why I agreed to do it when nobody else was dumb enough to take the gig.

  15. dancingcorvid says:

    It is Thursday and I am LATE but yesterday I had two meetings about how to make the high school theater program keep running and all the time my internal question is "why can't you just FUND it like it FUCKING MATTERS???" but funding does not happen in public schools any more. I also managed to vote (I am TOTALLY and ENTHUSIASTICALLY with Her) so I am less stressed about by mistake forgetting that (yeah, I dunno how I actually could either, but I was fretting over it). I feel like I've had headaches for a week now, so I need to rebalance the meds for the dark of winter, which I always forget until th eend of October…

    The tall child is taking to work with grace, the short child is still deeply pleased with uni, and a friend's child was just unilaterally put on academic leave of absence from college because she hadn't attended a single class since the middle of September. Some of the short child's cohort are moderately miserable in their first semesters at school. So I am feeling guiltily pleased for my kids and deeply sympathetic towards friends' kids.

  16. dancingcorvid says:


  17. Crivens_the_hag says:

    I know that I am a day late, but I am having a great day at work! I actually feel competent! I got to answer questions and do chemistry! This is a fantastic change from the last few weeks! Yay! It might not last but for now everything is coming up Milhouse.

  18. meat lord says:

    Another day-late post: I tried to engage with failed facebook feminist guy from last week. I sent him a very detailed explanation of why shutting down women (or AFAB people, in my case) who you feel are "too aggressive" by attacking them with sexist microaggressions is Not Cool.

    I immediately have regrets. I suspect this interaction will end with him having learned nothing, and with me feeling like scum despite being in the right. Sigh.

    Also, datefriend is having severe ADHD-related schedule/timeliness difficulties, which they don't know how to handle, and I'm really not sure how to help.

  19. dancingcorvid says:

    I just want company.

    Does anyone else bite the insides of their cheeks, or their tongue when stressed? I have been ripping pieces off my tongue, because I am Biting My Tongue and not getting shouty at people I would desperately like to get shouty at.

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