Friday Open Thread

Clever Manka, · Categories: Open Thread

I’m meeting with HR at 11am CST today and will be heading home immediately after to have a celebratory nap or a meltdown. Apologies for slow responses to comments.

174 Responses to “Friday Open Thread”

  1. [sic] says:

    Delurking for some crass self-promotion. So, I've been doing some podfics lately. Porny ones.

    I've just finished a Hannibal one I'm rather proud of:

    But mostly I stay in the comfy cocoon of E-rated Dragon Age fic. And exploiting the sorely underserved Game of Thrones market.

    Is anyone here on AO3? I need some inspiration!

  2. Xolandra says:

    Good luck, Manka!!! ♥

  3. Xolandra says:

    So last night I was making supper with GenltemanX and we were chatting about 90s punk (he just finished reading NOFX's memoir) and he dropped the phrase "the day Kurt Cobain was killed" and I HAVE A LOT OF FEMINIST FEELINGS ABOUT THAT. Mankanauts, do YOU have opinions about the KurtxCourtney thing?

    Also I have just spend an hour in a wikihole that I desperately need to get out of, because work.

    • CleverManka says:

      I wasn't a fan of grunge and although the Burgomaster is a big fan of Nirvana, I can only make it through listening to a couple of their songs in their entirety. That said, I think laying the blame on her is gross and sexist and also, tbh, removes a lot of Cobain's own agency in making his own decisions.

    • Heathered says:

      I was a Kurtney fan back in the day–it is still a lasting regret that I failed to see Hole when they played my college's cafegymnatorium in '91–and I soundly reject any second shooter theories. Two hot messes, no good decisions made by either of them, but that sure wasn't murder.

    • Flitworth says:

      As in he thinks Courtney Love pulled the trigger or drove him to it?

      I think it's hubris to think one knows anything about a situation like that other than that it's sad. I also think that most of the people who blame Courtney Love have personally vested interests in the narrative, including denial, failure to understand mental health issues, and misogyny.

      • Xolandra says:

        Idk, when questioned further he was all "I do not think that it is outside the realm of possibility because suicide note and also she's a whacko and had fame to run after, so".

        I'm mostly deeply upset at the unexamined misogyny that just spewed forth from the man I love's mouth.

    • vladazhael says:

      "the day Kurt Cobain was killed"

      My opinions on this consist entirely of rolling my eyes back so far I bend time.

      • Xolandra says:

        RIGHT? I was agog, aghast, and all of my follow-up questions just led to more misogynistic crap

        I want to have a Hard Conversation with him about it, but unlike the time he told me to ask his Brazilian friend for advice on a Greek recipe (because beans, right?), he didn't come to the "o wait, this is garbage" realization that I was hoping for 🙁

        • vladazhael says:

          Uuuuuuugh I am so sorry. Hearing such a magnitude of bullshit from someone you're supposed to be able to trust to be better than that is THE WORST. I do hope he extracts his own head from his own ass before you have to dig it out for him.

    • littleinfinity says:

      I have no actual knowledge on KurtxCourtney but I have to say that sounds suspect as a random phrase to drop into conversation. Like, that bespeaks a level of thought and opinion contrary to popular belief that makes me raise at least one eyebrow.

    • jenavira says:

      I was always more a Courtney fan than a Kurt fan (look, the angrier the music the more I simply do not care unless it's being sung by a woman) but I weirdly did not hear about the conspiracy theories about his death until very recently, and to be honest it seems clear it's all about dudes assuming that A Woman Must Be Evil, so.

  4. Absotively says:

    Now that I have got more details from my doctor, my medical stuff turns out to be about 99% likely to be Not That Serious. Am feeling much less worried.

    There are still various things to deal with, including a sleep study this weekend (blech), but nothing too scary at the moment.

    In more exciting news: I'm going to a wedding on Sunday, which will be nice. I am going dress shopping tonight, though I can definitely wear something I have if I don't find anything I like. And if I end up going to the far away fat lady clothing store on Saturday, then I will be close to the craft store and a sporting goods store, and can obtain materials for my little boat.

    • Heathered says:

      Less serious is good news! Here's hoping it turns into So Unserious It's Almost Laughable and you can laugh maniacally from the stern of your little boat.

      • Absotively says:

        It's not going to be quite that unserious – there is likely surgery in my future, though relatively unscary-sounding surgery. But it's unserious enough! And honestly, part of me prefers "serious enough to actually get a diagnosis and treatment instead of getting dismissed," which this seems to be. But that may be in part that my new doctor is just better about not being dismissive.

        Little boat will be made from a pop bottle, so I will likely have laugh manically from beside it instead.

        • Lynn says:

          We are on parallel health tracks this summer, that's pretty much what happened to me. The good news is the surgery vastly improved my quality of life (even before my symptoms got to their crisis point there were definitely some physical issues I was putting down to fatigue, depression, or poor diet that have not reappeared), so hopefully that will be your experience as well.

          • Absotively says:

            Oh, that's good to hear!

            I'm not sure the thing that will need surgery is likely to be the cause of my various symptoms – I think it's more likely to be the other not-that-serious thing that I haven't been worrying about. But I am definitely hoping that one of them is behind my other issues, at least.

            I should really write what the things are at some point. It would make them easier to discuss. It's not that I'm that worried about having them on the internet, it's just that they were too scary to name for a while and now it seems weird to just fill in all the details.

          • RoseCamelia says:

            Would it be easier to just give them names? Dumb & Dumber? Jeff & Ginny?

          • Absotively says:

            Nah, it would definitely be easier to call them "PCOS" and "ovarian dermoid cyst."

            But thanks for the suggestion! And the push, evidently.

            EDIT: if anyone is inclined to look up the second thing, be warned that Wikipedia has a gross picture that you may encounter.

          • redheadfae says:

            Oh, that can make one miserable! I'm glad for you it wasn't a worse alternative. Stupid cysts and fibroids. I was so happy to get rid of my whole equipment that caused me such misery. I hope yours will go as well.

    • CleverManka says:

      Even a little bit of less-bad is good, imo. Glad you're able to feel less worried.

      I hope you have fun at the wedding! I am weirdly fond of weddings (and receptions) and yes, they're always such a nice excuse to buy a new dress.

      Really loving all the boat action around here these days.

      • Absotively says:

        The tricky thing, of course, is finding a dress with pockets. It's a very casual wedding, so I'm hoping to find something practical for everyday wear until the weather turns.

        I did start drinking my lemon fizzy water, but most of it is still in the bottle because my appetite's been weird, though I think that may be improving now.

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      Yay for Not That Serious! And for Answers In General, really.

    • jenavira says:

      Hooray for Not That Serious! Good luck with surgery and everything, if that is something you'll have to deal with, but it's good to have the worst option pretty much off the table.

      I heartily endorse your shopping priorities. (I have been known to reward myself for successfully clothing-shopping with a trip to the office supply store.)

  5. Heathered says:

    Manka, big prayers for your percussion kitty paws to end up purring on the far side of this meeting. I mean, paws don't purr, but you get my drift. (Also, I'm finally watching GLOW and I like it! My screen time went a little too late last night and I recall weirdly ensemble-cast dreams as a result.)

  6. Kazoogrrl says:

    Am currently outside, alone, in the thing called nature. Planning to go to Kung Fu Tea to try something new on the menu afterwards. Later plans still solidifying.

  7. Lynn says:

    Well I'm resigning myself to having stress dreams all weekend because in setting up for the new hire it became clear that as badly as I need help, training new help during our busiest season is going to require me keeping a real close eye on things I could formerly trust my old coworker to handle I've also kind of been slacking off a bit the last couple of weeks and I am really paying for it now.

    Also I'm Bad At Change, even Change I desperately need and probably having the equivalent panic of when you sign a new apartment lease for a really great place but then spend the next week only focusing on the negatives of the new place and the positives of your old one.

    But I am finally looking at the downward slope on getting my craft room together (after having to track down new feet for a set of shelves and new bolts for the screws for a chair because our "restoration" company did not move a single piece of furniture without losing some key part). And boyfriend has proposed a delightful date night scheme for Saturday — dinner at a cute place down the street we haven't tried and back to our apartment to rent Guardians of the Galaxy 2, which we missed in the theater due to all of our Attendant Life Crises.

    • CleverManka says:

      I hope the stress dreams ease up and also that you're soon able to ease comfortably into the change of a new place. I hope your date night is fantastic!

    • Räven says:

      I am also extremely bad at change! However in a parallel track of awareness, I know change has generally worked out well for me. I hope you get to the other side sooner-not-later. You need the new hire, you were always going to have to overwatch them for a season, it will be a net good. "Soon".

      • Lynn says:

        Yeah in some ways it's frustrating because I know I have a pattern of stressing out about impending change/big project more in the leadup to said thing then in the actual execution of it (probably my control issues) and yet being able to name what's happening is not stopping it. But hopefully I'm really only looking at one more weekend that will be all anticipation and no ability for action.

        • Absotively says:

          Would it help if you took a little bit of action today? Like, maybe make a short list of the things that you want the new hire to take on, and put stars beside the ones that are the highest priority to get them started on first? Then maybe you could try to be like, "look, self, I have already started working on this and therefore it is no longer an upcoming thing to stress out about."

          • Lynn says:

            Heh, you should see my lists upon lists. I think it's helped a little but now we're at the point where I want her to just be here so I can actually start talking her through stuff.

    • jenavira says:

      Oof. Here's hoping your New Hire is a quick learner who can shoulder as much of that burden as quickly as possible.

    • redheadfae says:

      You can do all of this. I'm glad to hear that there's a fun night in the many plans.

  8. Absotively says:

    Oh, here's a thing I'd like opinions on: my personal website currently lives in web hosting run by people who are really devoted to free speech. With all the news about people being angry about any host who will take white supremacist websites as customers, I'm thinking about whether I should look for a different host.

    I've been ok with them in the past because they are extremely upfront about their dedication to enabling free speech as a core part of their business, and because they flat out say that they find some of the content they allow "offensive or repugnant." I think that puts them in a different category than webhosts who are less up front about if and why they host offensive content. But maybe I'm wrong about that?

    It's also nice to know that they would likely have my back if I posted something really controversial, but I'm not all that likely to do so in practice.

    • Xolandra says:

      Idk, friend, I am highly skeptical of libertarians, because I think that they are slightly delusional about the ways in which society helps everyone, and the weirdly determined "I can make it on my own!" is… weird. I am also Canadian, and our free speech laws (and notions of what exactly socialism is) are Very Different from south of the 49th parallel.

      I would personally probably move my site, but it would be a question of solidarity and who my bedfellows are. Like the ACLU has recently decided it will no longer defend hate groups who organize marches with guns. Shit is getting to throw-down times, and I, personally, want it to be VERY clear that I am Not With Those People. But again; notions of Free Speech are Very Different up here.

      • Absotively says:

        I am also Canadian, so I'm definitely not working from a starting point of All Speech Must Be Protected.

        But at the same time, I am somewhat sympathetic to the idea that all legal speech ought to have access to some kind of publishing. Where I would expect to disagree more strongly with my webhost would be over the question of what speech should be legal. And so far as I know, they don't participate in any activism or lobbying or anything on that issue.

        And the thing about throw-down times is that I worry a teensy bit that this same sort of backlash will eventually come to those who oppose the damned Nazis, and I do like that I'm supporting a webhost that I believe would stand up to that. The catch, of course, is that I believe they would also stand up to backlash that I think is entirely deserved.

        • Absotively says:

          And, of course, their approach to dealing with illegal content is the old "if it's illegal, you should obviously call the police," which is a problem in many situations, especially since I don't have much faith in the ability of the police to deal with illegal online content. But from the specific viewpoint of protecting speech that I do think should be protected, it's probably a good approach.

    • CleverManka says:

      Ugh, this is super difficult for me, too. I've always been a staunch free-speech supporter. The recent violent fascist shenanigans have forced me to compromise on my own values in this arena lately. I am loathe to restrict speech because "the first exception will not be the last" etc. etc. I feel like it's such a slippery slope to go from restricting things that endanger citizens (hate speech) to things that endanger the status quo (opposing the government).

      It's a tough decision to make. Good luck.

    • jenavira says:

      That is a tricky one, especially right now, when hate speech is getting loud but at the same time Actual Fascism is looking like a real thing that might really start having an effect on protected marginalized speech. As a person in the US who blogs about paganism and asexuality, I'm leaning on the side of sticking with a company that will back me up, because I'd rather have that than have the moral purity of not giving money to a company that also takes money from white supremacists, but outside the US your calculation might look different.

      Whatever you do: there are no perfect choices in a capitalist system. You are not Betraying The Cause whatever choice you make.

      • Absotively says:

        I think I'm going to stick with them unless I come across a good sounding Canadian host. So long as my website is in the US, I think it makes sense take the situation in the US into account when picking a host.

        Thank you for helping me think about this!

    • redheadfae says:

      It's tricky to decide. I mean, I use FB who seem to not take threats of violence toward others very seriously, and that bothers me as well.

      • Absotively says:

        I do think there's a moral difference between "we will publish anything that's not illegal, in return for money" and "we have terms of service forbidding threats of violence, but we can't be bothered to actually enforce them." But maybe there's not much practical difference.

  9. LaxMom says:


    So this is probably the only post I'll make because school internet hates intense debate, so love to all of you that need extra support today.

    I have a (what I am firmly trying to remind myself is low key) sort of date from a dating app at a street festival tonight and WOW is it making me way more nervous than I should be. GOAL: to make myself go out and meet someone to hang out with who might be able to hold a decent conversation and likes chinese food. Major first step for me. Why did this have to correspond with the highest weight and worst health I"ve had in years? Why am I always playing in hard mode?

    Have overslept a lot this week, I don't know how I"m going to make it with this thyroid thing, at the same time that every time I come to the office I have a productive discussion, I am having serious doubts in my ability to do any of this because of all the fatigue. WTF, brain?! I'm afraid to try to make any new health changes because I still have to have a first visit with an real endocrinologist and I"m afraid they won't believe me (because nobody else has for 2 years).
    Anyway. Forget that, going to grab a lunch and work on planning my proposal while I still have some brain.

    • Xolandra says:

      Idk if you will get this, but LUCK. I hear online dating is harrowing.

      The bonus to dating on hard mode is that this person will be seeing you at your "worst". If you charm them now, it'll be smooth sailing from here on out 😉

      • RoseCamelia says:

        Yes, this. I met Mr Rose 22 years ago when we were both wearing hard hats, safety goggles, 3 layers of clothing, and one heavy layer of dark gray filth. I wasn't sure I'd recognize him on our first date. All I could remember was vaguely tall, bulky, beard. He had it easy; I said I'd wear a red dress.

      • CleverManka says:

        The bonus to dating on hard mode is that this person will be seeing you at your "worst".
        I was going say the exact same thing! =D

        Crossing my fingers that you find a doctor who believes you.

    • redheadfae says:

      Best wishes on the date and the doc. I know how hard it is to find someone sympathetic (or in my case, had even HEARD of my disease).

  10. LaxMom says:

    I lied, you all might appreciate this, nobody else would I think. I can't go but it looks cool:

    "Does Shakespeare’s predilection for rewriting old stories make his work the prototypical “fan fiction?” Join Mya Gosling of Shakespearean strip Good Tickle Brain and Kill Shakespeare creators Anthony Del Col and Conor McCreery in a conversation about the rise of graphic novels on the literary scene, Shakespearean manga and introducing the classics to a new generation."

    • CleverManka says:

      While a lot of Shakespeare is definitely fanfic (much in the same way that Hamiton was fanfic), it's ridiculous to say he was "prototypical." I mean, um…The Aeneid? Paradise Lost? C'mon, folks.

  11. Xolandra says:

    O hey, want to rage, and then immediately feel better about a thing?

    This happened:…. CW fat-phobic body-shaming garbage, and also calling instrumentalists "wallpaper"

    Then today, this happened:

    Bye! Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!

  12. vladazhael says:

    Still in costume crunch mode. Finishing bits, making lists, coming up with last minute party ideas. My partner in crime and I will be doing a hand sewing marathon tonight over movies and booze, and hopefully I'll have some time over the rest of the weekend to dye a leather jacket and decorate and assemble a helmet. *fingers crossed* I'd say I won't know what to do with myself after I'm done with all this, but let's be honest, I'm just going to hyperfocus on seeing my manfriend again.

    Also a thing: I'm working on quite probably selling my ridiculous muscle car. Taking care of it properly involves a bunch of extra money and time I don't really have to throw around right now, and it will be yet another thing to move and find space for when I skip town next spring, and moving on is overall just the smart thing to do. Of course I am Emotionally Attached to said vehicle and it will not necessarily be the *easy* thing to do, and I am still grappling with it and also fiddling with some negotiations on price that just may not work out, but logically… yeah. The circumstances under which I bought it have just changed in every possible way over the past 2 years.

    • RoseCamelia says:

      Oh all the feels for your muscle car attachment. Not a muscle car, but I still miss my 1956 Chevy Bel Air and sniffle over it once in a while. Even though I sold it in 1985. And even though I am still certain selling it was for the best. Beautiful cars claim a bit of your heart, don't they?

      • vladazhael says:

        THEY REALLY DO. Especially since this one was a way to cope with my homesickness. I drove it all the way down south from Detroit and spent time just hanging out in the garage with it when I was at my worst. But now I don't have the time or resources it deserves, and really I don't have the homesickness to deal with since I know in the next year I'm moving either back home or back up north and close enough for weekend road trips.

    • CleverManka says:

      Ooof. Selling a beloved vehicle always feels a bit like selling a part of one's soul. I completely understand the "this car is no longer going to work for me" issues, though. *sympathy pats*'

      As always, feel free to share pics of the costumes and happy drunk sewing!

      • vladazhael says:

        And I have never had to sell a vehicle before – my main vehicle is still the truck I got in high school, which was Some Time Ago – so add to that all the uncertain newness and social ick. (Which is part of why it's coming up now – I may have a connection by which I can bypass having to deal with further repairs and also the special hellscape of listing it for sale and dealing with multiple random humans.) I'm waiting to hear back after a text now and there's no possible answer that doesn't freak me out on some level. Anxiety is SO MUCH FUN!

        • CleverManka says:

          The one time I had to "sell" a car, I traded it to a friend for $200 and a dead deer (she was a hunter and had an extra already-processed doe in her freezer). I hope you can bypass most of the ick of dealing with car-selling, too.

        • redheadfae says:

          Man it's like saying goodbye to a relationship that isn't working out.. and then having to deal with the selling process.. ugh. May it go to someone who needs and will love it well.

  13. Rillquiet says:

    Please think good thoughts for Texas; they're gonna need it. My gran and her twin sister are sheltering in place, far enough inland that they're likely to lose power and get minor flooding but not much else (fingers crossed); they've got emergency reservations at a local hotel just in case. But my second cousin and his wife are planning to stay at their home in a mandatory evac zone, one of the barrier islands, and I cannot imagine what they're thinking. They've got the money and the resources to get inland, so this decision reads like pure cussedness that may get them killed.

    • Räven says:

      Best thoughts for your elder family and your stubborn one. Re: the latter, I do get it, I have that tight hold to place myself, but this is literally a situaltion I've walked myself through in advance so I adopt correct behavior over instinct when the time comes. I hope they get lucky!

      • Rillquiet says:

        That is an incredibly sensible approach; I'm in an area not particularly prone to this kind of emergency, but the cognitive training couldn't hurt. Thanks for the idea!

        • Räven says:

          I feel like overall in life, my reaction speed is not the best and my instincts perhaps not the most brilliant? I think a little mental practice isn't going to hurt. (I'm not in the gulf hurricane area but I'm in (a low-priority evacuation zone in) a coastal city, and we're all going to face these things more and more.)

    • CleverManka says:

      Oof. That's scary. I hope their stubbornness doesn't end in tragedy.

      • Rillquiet says:

        Me too. My gran noted tartly that at her next bible class she plans to remind the organizers to stop praying for rain. The women on that side of the family do not get sweeter as we age.

    • jenavira says:

      That's definitely scary. All my good vibes are going toward Texas for the next week or so, hoping that the storms aren't as bad as forecast.

  14. Flitworth says:

    So I'm working from home today and the goats are just off the kitchen for now so my day has been punctuated by the sound of goat farts, which I find hilarious. Also, Horacio sounds like a vuvuzela when he bleats.

  15. CleverManka says:

    <img src=""&gt;
    Seriously, it boiled down to "your doctor didn't give us quite the exact wording we need to push this through legally so here's what we need him to say instead." THAT WAS IT. WHAT THE FUCK. I could've sent him this last freaking week and it could've been done by now but they needed a meeting to discuss that. Un. Real.

  16. Doc_Paradise says:

    I had a rheumatology appointment today and I (very likely) don't have an arthritis or autoimmune based condition according to them. My problems have (very likely) all been due to the lithium I was taking. They also diagnosed my hip pain as chronic bursitis. I will be trying out physiotherapy for that.

    I'm so RELIEVED… and so ANGRY.

    The whole thing is a mixed bag of emotions. I'm relieved this is looking like the disaster was stopped and I am actually in recovery. I'm thrilled that it looks like everything I have to deal with going forward is manageable and not likely to blow up in my face. I'm furious at all the really bad treatment (as a human and as a patient) that I received that has meant that I went through hell, lost years of my life, have permanent damage, and trauma… FURIOUS. I'm also coping with the shitty parental voice in my head that tries make all of this my fault and blames me for not doing enough (HA). I'm glad that my partners are being supportive.

  17. Räven says:

    I totally blew a pitch this week for a job I really wanted, and a flakey client called this morning with an urgent quick gig for turnaround today, I said yes and it's been three hours and I haven't heard a peep back. i am frowning so hard, my face may already have frozen like that.

    This weekend a friend and I are celebrating our birthdays (both last week) by going to the local rifle range, so I'm excited for that at least.

  18. Lee Thomson says:

    I'm packing for actual family vacation, on an island off Maine, and feeling, honestly, kinda mad and teary about leaving the boat. I have the first coat of paint on the outside, and I am SOCLOSE and yet, it is certainly another week at least, and I want to go and see my brother and his excellent wife and the nephew and the island, and I also don't want to leave the boat here all alone and unfinished. so. Back to painting and packing.

  19. CleverManka says:

    Okay, so you all know I love me my pop music and I genuinely liked 1989 but god damn I just listened to the first, um, third? maybe? of Taylor Swift's new single and I had to close out of the window because I felt like if I listened to the whole thing I'd never again be able to listen to the stuff of hers that I like. Holy crap that was just…really really terrible.

    Listen at your own risk, seriously.

  20. MLISCostFan says:

    Still here. I have to go talk to someone about silver soutache, lilac soutache and other goodies.

    Meanwhile, I'm getting ready to start making this:
    But with this fabric:

  21. LaxMom says:

    So, the date sucked, because the app deleted the guy and the match and the conversation just after I drove 40 miles home from work, 28 miles to the festival downtown, and we both sent, "wow, everything here smells great and should be fun, where are you?" messages. Gone poof. I am PISSED at that app (although I think it may be partly also a samsung update thing). So now I am either grateful to myself for choosing that location, because I had a friend at a vendor table I hung out with, or mad at myself for following the rules and going somewhere public, because it was too crowded to even look for a guy I only kind sorta recognized. Bah humbug, no date, and not even a way to contact him and say 'technical foul'.

  22. jenavira says:

    Belated hello! I missed you all yesterday, while I was running all over the place buying hiking shoes and picking up my parking pass and attempting to eat all the fresh food in the house before I leave for my two-week vacation tomorrow. Then I stayed up until two in the morning watching The Great British Baking Show, as you do. I am quietly falling asleep at work this afternoon, because what I really want is a nap before I have to go home and do the last round of packing tonight. (This part of almost-on-vacation, where I have a lot to do but two and a half more hours before I can actually do any of it, is the worst.)

  23. redheadfae says:

    I missed you all Friday, I had such a shaky left hand that I could barely type. I hope that resolves itself before i have to return to work.
    We also lost a lovely soul from some old circles of friendship, so it's been a bit sad for many of my friends here.

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