Mid-week check-in

Clever Manka, · Categories: Check-In

This is the weekly post for those of us who are traversing together this hellscape called Personal Growth. Brag about this week’s accomplishments, ask for support, talk about what worked, what didn’t. Tell us how things are going for you.

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142 Responses to “Mid-week check-in”

  1. Heathered says:

    Fire aftermath in Mendo, or it would be if we didn't keep having more small fires due to people literally throwing lit cigarette butts out of their cars FFS. It's hard to be in a community where people lost their lives and about 250 lost their homes and see the news all upset because some wineries burned. I'm still trying to NaNo prep but my heart is less in it and my brain is tired. What would be a good non-food reward for every 10,000 words completed? Must be very cheap or free.

    • Absotively says:

      Are you familiar with Written? Kitten!? It's an in-browser thing that rewards you with a new kitten photo every hundred words. You do have to copy and paste your text from it, though.

      For every 10,000 words, though, I'm not sure. Maybe make yourself a slightly fancier dinner than usual? It should only come up five times in the month, right?

      • meat_lord says:

        Oh my god 83 I should use that.

      • Absotively says:

        Wait, that's not non-food. I think I assumed by not food you meant, like, not delicious sugary food. I will try to explain what I meant by slightly fancier dinner, but do ignore me if this whole idea is too food.

        What I was thinking of is more arrangement of food than change of food. I subscribed for a while to a meal planning service that I gave up because it was too much work. For every supper, it had a starter (usually soup that was made ahead), a main course, and a dessert (usually cut up fruit sprinkled with a little sugar). But although that was more effort than I'm actually willing to make on weeknights, it did feel very fancy to have that sort of structured meal, even if the food wasn't anything expensive or unhealthy. I often also set the table and tried to stay off my phone while I ate, just because it felt like the right thing for eating a three course dinner by myself.

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      Maybe make a batch of cookie dough you can freeze in portions, then bake a few every time you hit a goal.

    • jenavira says:

      I like pens as a small cheap reward for writing, I am addicted to pens. (The PaperMate InkJoy gel pens are my current treat, because they write gorgeously and come in wonderful colors, but also run out of ink ridiculously fast. But they're only like $1.25 apiece. Walgreens has them as singles, sometimes.)

      Alternatives: permission to binge-watch a TV show or play a video game for several hours; a phone call or hangout with a friend who you've been neglecting for the sake of writing time; an afternoon hanging out at a bookstore or coffee shop or park where you don't have to do anything in particular. (My best free gift to myself is time. It is Not Easy, but it's the best.)

    • littleinfinity says:

      Maybe watch a show that you haven't had time for lately? Or go to a cafe and order a beer/ wine/ coffee (these are technically not food) and people-watch?

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      Maybe reward yourself with a creativity recharge ritual? Light a couple candles (I don't know why candles feel like such a luxury to me–they are so cheap, but I never think to light them and I feel SO fancy when I do), make some herbal tea or flavoured fizzy water, queue up a few inspiring or entertaining podcasts, and sketch or colour or doodle for an hour or two. Maybe even pick a few wildflowers to bring inside and sketch if you prefer something structured to free-form doodling.

      And DEFINITELY post here to tell us every time you hit a milestone, and we will shower you with praise and adulation.

    • meat_lord says:

      Hmm. How about a nice, long, hot bath, if you like baths? You can add fancy soaps, candles, bath bombs, music, wine, and so forth as your tastes and your budget allow.

    • Heathered says:

      So many ideas, thank you!! I am leaning toward Fancy_Pants's ritual, since I'm both afraid to start this thing and also already afraid of continuing. That seems like a good way to reenforce some Onward!-type thinking. Also I am going to eat a shit ton of candy corn. 🙂

  2. jenavira says:

    Monday was my only day off in the past week, and I spent it on the phone with Comcast customer service and also crying in the bathroom being Not Actively Suicidal. (Not Actively Suicidal is the stage before suicidal, when you can feel the thoughts creeping up on you and you tell the god of death, "Not today.") Then I went to therapy yesterday morning and cried for pretty much a solid hour while I explained how absolutely bored of depression I am and how frustrating it is that I can't do the things I want to do and when I don't do them I beat myself up about it. My therapist's prescription is to do less. This still feels like a cop-out to me, like surely the only way to get better is to make myself miserable with hard work, but I am going to try it.

    (Last night I also had to give a talk at the library about Fake News, while maintaining my politically neutral professional face. I could barely breathe and it came out way more nihilistic than I meant it to, but all the reviews were good and I didn't say anything that might get me fired, so I'll call it a win. The adrenaline crash was something else, though.)

    • Jen says:

      ugh . stupid asshole depression. I'm wishing you spoons of every color and shape and size and magical ability.

    • CleverManka says:

      <img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/clevermanka/1047329/365519/365519_900.gif"&gt;
      Doing less does take practice, but it sounds like you need to give it a try. Things I have done in an effort to Do Less this year:
      *Marathoned Avatar: The Last Airbender series
      *Listened to appropriate guided meditations so often I've nearly memorized them.
      *Practiced various yoga breathing techniques while listening to soothing sounds on MyNoise.net.
      *Re-read some old favorite romance novels

      Good luck. I hope you find some do-nothing options that work for you.

      • jenavira says:

        …an AtLA marathon might be a good idea, actually. I've also been considering a knitting advent box, which I didn't know was a thing but which is an absolute delight, and my socially-conscious local knitting store is offering one. AtLA and knitting sounds good and relaxing.

        I have never been able to get into romance novels, but I'm thinking about trying. Any recs? (I've got a few Less than Three Press ones hanging out waiting for me to get to them, and a long list of trans-inclusive romances from Smart Bitches Trashy Books, but I will always take more book recs.)

        • Kazoogrrl says:

          I was reading Lani Diane Rich's romance novels for a bit, I was able to get a bunch of them free through Amazon. She is one of the people who did Storywonk before her ex showed his true colors.

          • Lee Thomson says:

            Was Jenny Crusie a part of Storywonk? Lani lived with Crusie for a couple years as she was first getting divorced, and there are some excellent blog posts on Crusie's blog http://arghink.com about living together and the kids (Sweetness and Light?) – anyway, I recommend her work without reservations!

          • Kazoogrrl says:

            I think she may have been a guest but she wasn't a regular.

        • CleverManka says:

          Wellll, my "romance novels" are old Mary Stewarts which are ridiculously light and also horrifically sexist and occasionally racist but I started reading them when I was 14 so I can ignore a lot of what goes on and just focus on the style of the stories.

          • vladazhael says:

            I have been halfway through her Merlin series for years. I really need to pick that back up.

          • CleverManka says:

            Also sexist and racist with a little bit of homophobia but if you can ignore those parts (I know, I know) it's amazing! Her interpretation of Merlin is my absolute favorite, ever. And also, if you only read the actual trilogy (ignore the horrible "fourth book" in the trilogy), it has a happy ending and you can pretend all that other stuff with Mordred, etc., never happens.

          • Lee Thomson says:

            YAS!! Thank you, I never read the last because I KNOW everything falls apart and I do NOT WANT TO READ IT.

            I just picked up a handful of her older ones for the Nook bc Sale! and am rereading Airs Above the Ground. I remember they were a huge part of my "read everything in the fiction section of the library" phase in Jr high.

          • CleverManka says:

            I love that there are a few of us here who are fans! Thanks to our library book sales (I'm always amazed at what people donate), I have all of her romances (except for the one that wasn't published in the US) up through Stormy Petrel at which point they really don't measure up. IMO her sensibilities and mentality was already failing to keep up with the times by the time she wrote Touch Not the Cat and although she tried to be modern, she just…wasn't modern and I don't think that's what her readers wanted anyway.

            Airs Above the Ground is so good. This Rough Magic is probably my favorite, though, because dolphins.

          • CleverManka says:

            And even Stormy Petrel (and the one before it, Thornyhold) is pretty ehhhhhhh.

          • jenavira says:

            Fair! But that reminds me that I did love Mary Stewart's Merlin series, maybe I should re-read that.

        • Lee Thomson says:

          Jenny Crusie: Faking It, Bet Me, Don't Look Down (written with a dude but contains Wonder Woman)

          Anything from Courtney Milan, most recent first, starting with Trade Me and Hold Me (contemporary) and the Brothers Sinister starting with The Countess War and The Heiress Effect (historical, but they veer, and end up in a kind of parallel universe with Suffragettes!)

        • redheadfae says:

          My recs are very old. Rebecca Brandywyne's "Passion Moon Rising" and "Beyond the Starlit Frost" or "Swan Road" for typical light romance.
          I read her because she was one of our bellydance friends, and that's her real name!
          I also love to reread Billy Martin's, as (Poppy Z. Brite) anthology, "I Shudder at Your Touch" and "Love in Vein" a collection of vampiric horror style romance short stories.

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      A lot of those feelings sound really familiar to me, although (and I cannot stress this enough)I might be projecting, so feel free to ignore me. Do you know what that thing is that you really want to do (and beat yourself up about not doing)? Can you name it? Is it, by any chance, some type of creative work?

      I have (well, *had*, I'm trying to figure out how to fix things) structured my life/career path to make myself run the gauntlet of being miserable with hard work in order to "earn" the right to do creative things that make me happy. I think doing less is a great idea in terms of edging back from that abyss, but there may also be some value in trying to find a path towards the source of joy/desire in your life.

      • jenavira says:

        Hah. I came to the realization a few weeks ago that I do in fact have a long-term plan for my life, and it's that I want to be financially stable enough to buy a home so that when I quit my day job to be an artist I at least won't have to fight with a landlord.

        I'm going back and forth on whether or not NaNo is a good idea. But I skipped it two years ago for depression, and last year because the world just about ended on 11/9, and I really want to be writing again. It feels like making space for writing is more helpful than not? But I also know that I do this thing where I make myself schedule fun things, but I know they're not The Top Priority so I don't get around to them, so then fun things become yet another thing I haven't done yet and ought to be doing and I wind up spending hours on stupid phone games and hating everything. So, um. I have a lot of practice beating myself up over things. I still really want to do NaNo, though.

        • Fancy_Pants says:

          Yep. I do the exact same thing, especially when I'm in a depressive down-swing. Partly it's because I am afraid that if I carve out the space to do the work, I will find out that I am bad at it, or don't actually like doing it. It's a silly additional pressure that I put on myself that doesn't help anything. Also sometimes I'm just really fucking tired, but it can be hard to tell the difference.

          This is, like, 5 items deep on my Plan to Fix My Life, but I think if I schedule non-specific creative time for myself it might be easier to approach without fear. In my heart of hearts, I really want to be composing and producing music, but if I can spend 45 minutes a day doing SOMETHING creative (doodling, sketching, journaling, playing guitar, recording silly songs…anything at all), it might be easier to do instead of defaulting to scrolling through garbage on my phone.

          I don't know if that will help you. I don't even know if that will help ME. But you're definitely not alone in this particular struggle. And if you think an accountability partner would help, let me know 🙂

          • jenavira says:

            Hm. Nonspecific creative time might be a good solution. (I'm really enjoying my NaNo prep, which has been a combination of writing exercises, Pinterest boards, and various other creative games.) And I do think an accountability partner might help, but I'm not sure if now is the right time. I will get back to you on that.

          • littleinfinity says:

            I like the idea of non-specific creative time in which you just have to create SOMETHING. I've been thinking about instituting something similar – because yeah, scrolling through garbage on my phone is not ideal for productivity or creativity or mental health in general. Let me know how this goes for you!

          • Fancy_Pants says:

            Hmmmm. Now is a spectacularly bad time, but in about 6 weeks I will be done with my travel and moving and will be situated in my new apartment. And THAT might be a good time to start.

            So sometime in early December, I can start a weekly creativity thread on the Wednesday progress posts and let you all know how it's going for me, and it'll be there for low-key accountability/inspiration for anyone who's interested and wants to join in. Because that would be super helpful for me!

          • jenavira says:

            That sounds like a fantastic idea. I'll look forward to it!

          • Fancy_Pants says:

            Awesome! Haha now I have to do it, which will be very good for me.

          • littleinfinity says:

            Sounds great!! I would be into that!

          • Lee Thomson says:

            that sounds excellent and I am looking forward to joining, thank you!

    • Heathered says:

      :depression frustration fistbump:
      I hope NaNo works out for you and if you want to check in here or via email about it I'll be around, but if this isn't the time don't feel bad. Moving shit around to make room for depression is so infuriating, but I do think it eventually leads somewhere better than the grimy midst of it all.

    • redheadfae says:

      I understand that feeling. Thank you for the lovely image of telling the God of Death "not today". That would make a wonderful painting.
      Here's to keeping those feels at bay.

  3. Kazoogrrl says:

    Dreading the next 6-8 weeks of work, when we're going to be understaffed and understocked because my boss ignored me when I ran inventory and drafted a PO for one of our biggest lines of products 2 months ago. Also dreading starting up the job search again.

    For some reason the movie AI popped into my head this morning and now I'm reading an interesting review/comments about it, so I might have to rewatch it but it also sounds like a depressing endeavor.

    ETA: And, there was an active shooter situation in MD and the suspect has not been apprehended. *looks for the space laser*

  4. meat_lord says:

    I'm trying to get enough NaNo prep done that I'll stand a chance at winning this year. (The other issue, of course, is carving out the time to make word count on a daily or near-daily basis…. If I set it up so that I have to binge-write in order to make 50k, I will get discouraged and give up.)

    I have begun playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I love it. It's probably one of the most charming, soothing games I've ever encountered.

    There's a lot of Real Life Stuff that has sort of gone by the wayside, and I need to pick it back up and sort it out. But…. huuuuurgh.

    • CleverManka says:

      Ugh, if you can put off the Real Life Stuff for a little longer without dire consequences, I recommend it. Real Life can Stuff It.

    • jenavira says:

      Good luck with NaNo! I have decided to lean in to my own tendency to start ambitious and finish small, and used Pacemaker to make a word count schedule that leaves me doing 3k a day for the first week but only about 100 words a day in the last week. That way I can always fall back to a normal NaNo schedule if I need to.

      I kind of want to buy an Animal Crossing game, but I know that if I do, I won't do anything else for weeks. Same with Stardew Valley. (Hm. This might be exactly what my therapist has been telling me to do. Hm.)

      • meat_lord says:

        Thanks! Good luck to you as well. Your Pacemaker schedule sounds like it might work for me too. I'll have to check out Pacemaker.

        You should absolutely try out Animal Crossing or Stardew Valley! A cute, gentle game would be very therapeutic. Seriously 🙂

    • Lee Thomson says:

      Animal Crossing looks completely adorable and am going to try it thank you!

  5. CleverManka says:

    I start my new restricted diet this week (mostly). I won't get a chance to make the prescribed bone broths until next weekend so will be using purchased broths for the time being. I'm basically gonna be eating nothing but soups and stews for at least two weeks so thank goodness the weather is finally starting to turn here.

    This weekend, which I was hoping to take super easy because Kesha on Monday, is of course turning out to be nightmare busy. The local butcher who processes the cow I buy from a local farm is overloaded right now and I have to pick up the meat on Saturday (and then divvy it up with the people who went in on the cow) then Sunday is henna day because one of my henna buddies is out of town the following two weekends.

    I'm still trying to decide if I want to try sitting in a wheelchair for the Kesha show (on Monday) or if that's just gonna be a worse nightmare because the theater has no designated areas for wheelchairs and it's a General Admission show. At least I have two friends who are on standby for the tickets if I decide the day before that I can't make it.

    • jenavira says:

      Can you make some of the other people who went in on the cow do some of the divvying up? That sounds like A Lot (I have never dealt with a full cow but I have spent time with cows and they are effin huge.)

      I have full faith in your ability to bully your way to a decent viewing spot in a wheelchair in a general admission show. Good luck, I hope you're able to make it. <3

      • CleverManka says:

        We all pitch in. The roasts go in one pile, steaks in another, and we go around and pick which we want then ground beef gets divided evenly. It goes pretty fast, but it's a lot of crawling around on the garage floor. I'm hoping the Burgomaster can beg off his standing Saturday work-breakfast to drive me to the butcher's (about 30 minutes away) and help with the division and carrying.

        And thank you! I hope I can make it toooooo.

        • Kazoogrrl says:

          I'm having cow share envy.

          • CleverManka says:

            I love that when I pay for my cow, the farmer's address is in my same zip code*. There are some benefits to Mid-American life.

            *ETA: Because they don't take credit cards and I have to mail them a check.

          • Kazoogrrl says:

            Hah! That reminds me of the place where I bought my shearling slippers. I ended up calling them to make sure I was calculating my total correctly. They are The Best Slippers, and it's $20 to have them resoled. If you enjoy old school, text heavy websites, check them out. http://www.shepherdsflock.com/

          • CleverManka says:

            You sent me a link to them way back in the LJ days and I completely forgot about them. Thank you for the reminder! I'm not sure I'm ready to make the jump to $90 slippers, but when I do….

          • Kazoogrrl says:

            They are so worth it, but I worry that, since they are older, one day they'll close up shop. If they retire I hope someone else picks up the business!

          • CleverManka says:

            I feel the same about the two old dudes in my town who run the knife sharpening place and the shoe repair business. Darrel's gotta be in his 70s and I'm pretty sure Bruce isn't far behind. I think Bruce (shoe dude) has apprentices, though. Either that or very amenable grandkids.

      • LaxMom says:

        I always say I'm going to buy a cow, and I never do because I never have all that money in pocket at cow-purchasing time. I also always say "one of these days I'll sponsor a kid's 4H auction turkey/chickens", and that hasn't happened yet, either. My great grandfather used to raise cattle and we'd get half a cow every year from them when I was growing up. My parents used to groan at my dad's cousin's family, who just had THE ENTIRE COW made into ground beef. Thats…southern ohio for you.

        • CleverManka says:

          I'm very fortunate that I have an income that allows me to purchase meat in bulk. I get most of the cow ground, leaving only what the butcher calls "best steaks and roasts" but…not even a little roast? And no steaks at all? SADNESS.

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      I am sending glitter-covered high energy vibes your way. I hope you can make it to the show!

      I don't know what's allowed on your diet, but one of my favorite easy/quick bone broth tricks was to make a faux-pho with beef bone broth, rice noodles, green onions and cilantro and crack an egg in it. It's my ultimate winter comfort food.

    • redheadfae says:

      I shall toss energy bolts to you all weekend!
      Let me know if you would like me to drive you to the butcher, if missing the Sat meet would be inconvenient for Burgo. I don't have any plans and the drive would be a nice time to just be together for a bit.

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      Mmmm… bone broths are lovely. Thinking of you… just not motivated to be online much right now.

  6. vladazhael says:

    I am supposed to be reading and responding to a Google-translated version of a draft version of a revised version of a request for proposal from an almost-customer that has been an almost-customer of this company since before I worked here, sooooo… not super motivated. One of my coworkers described the document as "word salad" (ACCURATE), and it's from a Greek customer, so now it's Project Greek Salad in my head. I'm hoping the partial outline from a previous incarnation of the project that I happened across yesterday in my stash of never archived documents turns out to be the life hack I need and don't deserve.

    Physical therapy was going well until I ruined everything by picking up knitting again and crunching up into the shape of an overcooked shrimp on my couch for hours at a time. I have been instructed to fix that nonsense with strategically placed pillows (I even requested shipment of my best friend's no-longer-needed nursing pillow, because genius) and come back in a couple weeks to see if they can *really* discharge me from treatment. Also they gave me a spinal adjustment technique to teach my manfriend, so if we could just move in together, like, yesterday, that would be cool.

    • CleverManka says:

      a Google-translated version of a draft version of a revised version of a request for proposal from an almost-customer that has been an almost-customer of this company since before I worked here
      <img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/clevermanka/1047329/339240/339240_900.gif"&gt;

    • jenavira says:

      A nursing pillow is brilliant! I should see if I can find one somewhere, I fucked up my back knitting last weekend. My low-backed couch is very fashionable but not, it turns out, good for my spine.

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      Oh I just looove Google translated email exchanges with customers. /sarcasm.

      I need to try the lap pillow idea! My knitting posture is horrid.

      • vladazhael says:

        The assigned strategy includes both as many lap pillows as are necessary AND whatever back pillow placement is needed to get one's couch to behave like it understands posture. I have yet to implement all this at home, but I plan on more or less building a pillow fort and becoming one with it.

    • Flitworth says:

      spinal adjustment technique to teach my manfriend

      I want this to be sexy. Don't ask me why.
      Good luck with everything:)

    • Lee Thomson says:

      I managed to uncurl while knitting by trying to go as slowly as possible and maintaining PERFECT posture while doing it. But I think the idea of a pillowfort on the couch sounds way better.

      Also Greek Salad Project is kind of perfect.

  7. Kazoogrrl says:

    A side note per current news: am I the only person who, until recently, didn't know that Drug Czar was a term used seriously? I always took it as a journalistic dig.

  8. Absotively says:

    Gord Downie died last night, so I'm listening to The Tragically Hip at work.

    I've been having trouble focusing at work again this week. I did bring up my trouble focusing when I first started seeing new doctor, months ago now, and asked about ADHD. But since then it's mostly been tests and stuff for various more-obvious physical stuff. Which makes sense as that's probably a bit more urgent and a lot easier to deal with, but I think I'll likely have to ask about ADHD and such again at some point.

    I'm not going to worry about it too much this week, because the pill has made me feel better overall and it's the dummy week so I'm missing some of those effects, and that might be the problem.

    • CleverManka says:

      Oh dear. They were not my jam (as a US-ian, I don't think their influence extended here), but I know they were A Big Thing for Canadians. Condolences on the loss.

      • Absotively says:

        Thank you!

        It was hardly sudden. The band announced that he had an aggressive form of brain cancer over a year ago, and I managed to see them on their final tour last year.

        I also didn't listen to them much for a long time, because I was introduced to their music by my first boyfriend, who was a lousy boyfriend and who basically ignored *my* tastes in music. So although I do really like their music, it was never really the soundtrack for my life the way it was for some people.

        So overall, I'm a little sad and a little wistful but I'm ok. Other Canadians may well be more upset, of course.

        • Fancy_Pants says:

          I was never a mega-fan, but the Hip have always felt like part of the landscape. To be honest, I feel like I did my grieving during/after the broadcast of their farewell concert. But that is sad news 🙁

    • jenavira says:

      Oof. I've been thinking about bringing up ADHD to my new psychiatrist when I see her in January, but I'm in the same place – probably not super urgent, other things to deal with first. I've been experimenting with self-medicating with caffeine, on the theory that stimulants are the meds they give you anyway, and it seems to make a difference?

      • Absotively says:

        I should really make another attempt to learn to like coffee. Tea and Coke help, but not a lot.

        Actually, I should also buy another batch of Penguin caffeinated mints. They help more for me, even though they don't have that much caffeine, I think because it's more all-at-once and then I'm into a task when it wears off.maybe

        • jenavira says:

          You can also buy caffeine pills from the drugstore! There are lots of scare stories about people overdosing on them, but it's just as easy to overdose on Tylenol, it's just about being practical with it. Caffeinated mints are a good idea, though, I should get some of those.

          • Absotively says:

            I may have to try that, the place I got the mints with decent shipping to Canada last time is out of them now.

          • Absotively says:

            Or maybe not. They seem to start at 100 mg per pill, whereas the mints are 7 mg. I find sipping a cup of coffee to be a bit much, I'm not ready for a cup of coffee's worth of caffeine in one pill!

  9. Flitworth says:

    So 2017 has become my Year of the Women in terms of reading. I'm reading Zoe Quinn's Crash Override and it's good. She does a good job of diluting the crap she personally dealt with with discussion of underlying problems with the internet and Terms of Service agreements etc. I finished Mary Roach's Grunt, it was enjoyable but didn't bring me to laughing tears like Packing for Mars. I also read Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist, I don't think I can handle her short stories.
    I bought HRC's book (at an indie bookstore specifically!) but I don't know when I'll have the emotional fortitude to read it. I may read Sarah Jeong'sThe Internet of Garbage next, if I can get a copy.
    I started reading the New Yorker's article on Mike Enoch, and his blossoming into a very shitty human being/nazi. It's interesting how it feeds into Quinn's observations about how internet mobs work and the ways in which terrible people and ideas are incentivized. I have a theory that part of the reason there are still outspoken supporters of Trump is that the news keeps treating them like special unicorns – CNN puts them on panels etc. and, yes, often the subtext is that these people shouldn't be supporting him because their beliefs are shaped by misinformation and what he actually does contradicts their interests, but these are all nobodies who will never be important sparkleponies in any other context.

    • jenavira says:

      I just checked out Crash Override from the library yesterday! I need to start shoving it in people's hands, I think. And I have every intention of buying and reading What Happened…soon.

      • Flitworth says:

        I'd recommend a lot of self-care and avoiding the news before What Happened. 🙂 I'm stoked that your library had a copy of Crash Override!

        • jenavira says:

          I mean, it had a copy because I ordered it. I really should read it so I can throw it at people. 😉

          (Yeah, that's why I keep putting off What Happened, the level of rage I have about the alternate world where everything didn't break last November is…too much.)

    • CleverManka says:

      If you want a follow-up to Bad Feminist, Laurie Penny's Unspeakable Things was good. It surprised me how good it was because I kind of expected her to be another Caitlin Moran and she wasn't.

      I agree with your theory. WHY ARE WE STILL GIVING AVOWED BIGOTS AIRTIME? Oh, right, because that's who runs the world. Ugh.

      • littleinfinity says:

        I must read this!! I started reading it around January and stopped after a few pages because it was just all too much (politics, hellscape, etc). But I like Laurie Penny and I should pick it back up.

        ETA: Who run the world? Men of vast privilege and entitlement with a posse of enablers! (more accurate, less fun to sing)

    • vladazhael says:

      Re: the incentivization of terrible ideas

      I just happened to read Lindy West's take on the subject this morning, and I think it's relevant: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/14/opinion/sunday

      TW: Milo Yiannopoulos's stupid face

  10. pseudonymica says:

    I just purged my "me too" freak out in that post, so I'm going to try for some positivity here. Good things definitely happen too, right?

    Music: I started listening to Enya again and it's very gratifying. Many YouTube videos translate the Gaelic lyrics and that's a new joy. On the other end of the musical spectrum, if you want to feel like you can do ANYTHING with your fury, I highly recommend the (exiled) Russian punk band the Svetlanas.

    I saw an eye doctor this morning and there were no nasty surprises. My vision is definitely still very screwy from my concussion but my eyes themselves are healthy. I was worried about my right eye night vision being considerably darker but there's no retinal reason for it so he agreed with my other doctor that it's just my brain favoring the other eye.

    I got an enormous splinter in my leg, but the piece of wood was thick enough that it didn't break off when it was pulled out across two inches of skin! Oops, I'm starting to veer into fake positivity.

    Halloween season! Yay! My favorite.

    • CleverManka says:

      I haven't listened to Enya in donkey's years. *goes to rectify that immediately*

      That splinter though, OMG BB
      <img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/clevermanka/1047329/348943/348943_900.gif"&gt;

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      I once won a radio call in contest where you had to identify a theme over three songs because the first one was Enya's "Storms in Africa" and with that name I knew it had to be the theme. Her first album is my favorite, and transports me back to "teen goth lurking in local New Age witch shop" years.

      • Rillquiet says:

        Oof, I saw "The Celts" on YT a while back, and such was the flashback power of seeing Michael Praed that it may've been responsible for the resurgence of giant sweaters + leggings. Ye shall know its true power if scrunchies suddenly make a resurgence too.

    • Heathered says:

      I just read a book by a woman whose husband had a stroke and for quite a while after he had diminished or weird vision on one side, but it turned out to be a thing that was exacerbated by being tired, and thus fixable with a short rest. Just in case you needed a reason to take a delicious nap, I mean.

    • Lee Thomson says:

      good eye news is reassuring, and I have been enjoying Enya when she appears on my all women Pandora station (training Spotify to avoid men is WAY harder than it should be!).

      Owie splinter! Owie owie owie… I still hate splinters, and I might still have one in my left knee from childhood.

    • redheadfae says:

      Thank you for the Svetlanas reminder!
      Yay Halloween
      Boo Splinters
      And good vibes for continued eye improvement.

    • LaxMom says:

      oh dear god I just read the splinter part. All I can think of are pirate ship injuries. I guess you're a pirate now!

  11. faintlymacabre says:

    Tomorrow I hit the road. Please send my car good witchy energy, as it probably needs some help I cannot afford to give it right now. Trying not to dread the whole moving/new job search/total life upheaval right now and just mini task focus. One day at a time blah blah ugh.

  12. Lee Thomson says:

    So the high-low hem sweatshirt we were all staring at in a recent thread arrived. I would not call it sweatshirt material – more like standard heavyish knit. The hem is exactly as advertised but since I am substantially wider than the model the effect is more like I am veering into a stiff breeze with my coat-tails out behind. There is an kangaroo pocket across the front, which is charming but unsupported and shouldn't hold anything heavier than gloves. The hood is … the hood is completely batshit, actually. It is a long tube attached to the shoulders where your head goes, and there is a drawstring around the end, so you can close the drawstring OVER your head and be a strangely shaped sack, or you can pull your face out, so the tube goes up and over the back of your head leaving you looking out a fabric portal into the world. Or it rests in an untidy swing of fabric that could be a cowl neck if you squint at it.

    I can't imagine it will wash well. The sleeves are magnificent in length but not big enough around for me (I got an XXL for exactly this reason) however if I use it as a deeply peculiar shirt it fits RIGHT in with my "how much black can I wear in layers" aesthetic and it feels properly crow like. I have had better luck with Buykud for swishy-things-that-go-over-pants (their "one size fit many" really does fit me at size 16-18 generally) https://www.buykud.com/

    • LaxMom says:

      I must have somehow missed that garment, but the way you describe it sounds exactly like something I need on my antisocial days. I'm sorry it's not as nice as advertised.

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      Thank you for taking the plunge! I read a LOT of reviews and decided against ordering it, mostly because the fabric quality seemed to cary a lot. I'm not pondering a cowl necked tunic from eshakti, I want something for the "I can't with my body today and I just need to be warm and comfy".

      I love the shapeless draped look, but I don't like how it looks on me, though I may investigate some items for my witchier/crowish days.

  13. LaxMom says:

    Teengirl is quitting karate. Before even actually physically getting her black belt. That prompted a meltdown that I feel like I've been holding in since Collegeboy graduated. Poor girl, I warned her that it seems like all the mom-crying-at-last-things apparently is hitting now, and that it isn't her, it's just the accident of her being the youngest/last. I also told her that I am going to continue to try to go to karate because it makes me feel strong.

    Anyway after two solid days of crying constantly I did decide to add another dose of the antidepressant and I"m mostly upright. But zonked. I need to write my proposal and my brain is gone.
    This did prompt a nice talk w/Teenboy about when he quit karate, which was one of the things that was something we used to butt heads about a lot. He has been more open lately–now I just have to worry about college applications (the first deadline is halloween. He hasn't started yet).

    I have been "doing less" by allowing myself to just shut off and knit while watching dumb tv for at least an hour. Also keeping myself from overdoing it with too much karate, despite wanting to, because if I burn out my body I'm no good at research the rest of the week.

  14. redheadfae says:

    In scary news, Jbird's $20,000 hospital bill has been denied by insurance as being "a work-related injury". It's also not worker's comp because it was due to a low glucose incident. His HR dept says that they will pay it, but I'm so skeptical of these things until I actually see it, and I"m trying not to worry.

    I somehow get confused and missed a consult appt with the arm surgeon and had to reschedule to next week. There's slim possibility of another back surgery, but we'll see when the surgeon and my neuro put their heads together. Still having muscle tremors and I have to stop using the laptop as often because hands. I need to find a better voice software.

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