Mid-week check-in

Clever Manka, · Categories: Check-In

If you would like this gorgeous image as monitor wallpaper, it’s available in a giant hi-res version here.

This is the weekly post for those of us who are traversing together this hellscape called Personal Growth. Brag about this week’s accomplishments, ask for support, talk about what worked, what didn’t. Tell us how things are going for you.

129 Responses to “Mid-week check-in”

  1. CleverManka says:

    Tomorrow will mark one week on my restrictive/elimination/gut-healing/etc. diet and last night I wanted starch so much I nearly cried (like, actual cry, that's not hyperbole). I'm feeling a little more emotionally stable about it now, but ugh. I'm sure it was just fatigue ("just") but still. It was rough. I didn't even have the energy to watch television for godssake. I'm worried that I'm not getting enough calories and have that on the list of things to discuss with Amy the Nutritionist on Thursday. I also have keto breath which, gross.

    Kesha was great, and I'm glad I went but if this level of fatigue keeps up for much longer I'll start questioning if it was worth it. I'm so tired I can't even wear my protest flak jacket at the office. I just can't carry the extra weight right now.

    I know I had something else to mention here, but I've forgotten it. If I remember what it was I'll put it in a reply.

    • Xolandra says:

      Kesha was great, and I'm glad I went but if this level of fatigue keeps up for much longer I'll start questioning if it was worth it.

      More than once have I wished for a magic wand that specifically heals. Would that I could heal your energy gap, because regrets blow. But. I woke up thinking of my granddad today, so i will share with you what once he told me (when I asked why he only told good army stories, when he hated the army so much). Eventually, he said, only the good memories remain.

      • CleverManka says:

        That sounds like a mental practice I should consider adopting…only remembering the good things.

        I wouldn't ever regret going. I mean, it was good and educational! It gave me information about how to decide on attending possible future events, like the way I realized last year that I just couldn't travel for the time being–even easy, low-pressure trips. I can know "this was probably not the best decision" without regretting the decision. Which is a good place to be!

        • vladazhael says:

          I can know "this was probably not the best decision" without regretting the decision.

          This is one of the most important adulting things I have ever not been taught and had to figure out on my own.

          • Fancy_Pants says:

            Yeah, I need to get better at making bad decisions because I'm following my heart rather than making bad decisions because I'm trying to make good decisions. Better quality bad decisions for all!

      • Lee Thomson says:

        My father-in-law used to interrogate a younger Mr Crow with "so what happened? Just tell me the good stuff" which in retrospect we can't decide was brilliant or derelict parenting. He wanted to know if there was anything to celebrate, and didn't want to cope with misbehavior so he clearly parameterized his question.

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      I'm really hoping that this restrictive diet is totally worth it and helps you and Amy the Nutritionist figure some stuff out; I have a lot of food sensitivities and worry about calories (and protein) as well- cutting out gluten made me lose a surprising (to me) amount of muscle mass.

      I'm so glad you enjoyed Kesha, and am sending all the good thoughts your way re: getting more energy/less fatigue.

      • CleverManka says:

        I have lost so much muscle! I am worried about my bones. Eek. Amy the Nutritionist all but confirmed that my CrossFit days are over but there's still hope for resistance training, even though the hardcore Olympic lifting might not happen again. Thank you for the good thoughts!

    • CleverManka says:

      I remember what I was going to say! I sent out postcards to everyone here who comments that I have addresses for and I still have a few cards and stamps left. If you'd like a postcard, email me your address (and the name you'd like on the address line). ETA: everyone who got a card should have received theirs by now, so if you didn't get one, I either don't have your info or I had an old address.

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      I'm glad you made it to Kesha. I've been pushing myself to go to things that I know are going to be a PITA but enjoyable, because I don't want to look back and have nothing but memories of getting by. I know I'm lucky enough that I'm not dealing with staggering health issues grounding me.

      Thanks for linking to the fennel cauliflower soup, I made it and it is super yummy! I also made Mel's bahn mi bowl, same results.

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      Carb/starch restriction is SO HARD, energy-wise and also emotional stability-wise. I've tried it briefly in the past and found myself too exhausted and/or hopeless to muster up the willpower to continue, although I've *heard* that it gets easier over time once your body adjusts, but I can not confirm.

      I've been wracking my brain for low carb, calorie dense foods that are palatable enough to eat in large quantities through fatigue (other than cheese, which is probably a no-go for you), but…oof…starch is life. My only applicable trick is using cucumber slices in lieu of crackers as a vehicle for fat-rich foods like guacamole, hummus or olive tapenade. But even that sounds a little disheartening tbh, so I really hope this diet ends up being worth it.

      • CleverManka says:

        It does get easier, I know it gets easier. I've done it before, just never at this level of un-health. So it's harder now, but I know it's possible. IT HAD BETTER BE WORTH IT YES. I do wonder how will we know it's time to move on and start introducing other things? I mean, I heal s-l-o-w and if my gut is as damaged as AtN thinks it is…I am limited to these foods in these forms for weeks or months?

        • redheadfae says:

          Gosh, I hope so, too. You've been so good in the past at doing this, I know you can manage it again. Since you're so tired, do you think you can bulk up on the allowable foods? Maybe more water in some form, changing gut and body metabolism takes sooo much water. Think of it only day by day, or hour by hour. It's not going to be forever, no matter how it feels like that today.

          • CleverManka says:

            I'm already drinking at least 100oz of water a day…I don't know how much I can add without multiple nighttime bathroom wake-ups. And I'd be happy to eat more allowable foods but sometimes the thought of eating more turns my stomach which is not conducive to good digestion. =( I remembered that I can eat canned sardines even though they're not a soup so I just ate some of those. What a treat!

          • redheadfae says:

            Yikes, that's a lot of water! Well, you're certainly not dehydrated. :/
            Mmmm sardinies. At least there's that.. eating like a cat.

    • Räven says:

      I hope you get some of your foods back after the restriction, but I know it gets easier to go without things as you adapt, so I also wish you easy adjustment to the current diet. [Ah, this comment landed under yours that I hadn't seen, & basically I agree with you: It had better be worth it!]

    • Lee Thomson says:

      I'm so glad you did go, and so sorry you are paying for it the hard way, and still so, so glad you did go!

  2. Kazoogrrl says:

    This weekend I decided to do some emotional labor for my own piece of mind, and told J that I wanted him to go through his clothes and I'd help him get them sorted and taken care of. There were mountains of them in the basement laundry area, and one rolling suitcase has stuff in it from a festival we did in MAY. So after an hour we had them sorted, a pile of items for the thrift store, another for tossing, and a the first of many loads in the wash. Also, my dust allergies had gone haywire and he was having an asthma attack from the stuff we dug out of the laundry room. I was glad to have it done, but it really sets off my, "This is really not what I signed up for" alarms.

  3. damngoodcoffee says:

    This week is Asexual Awareness Week, and I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to post something personal about it on my tumblr, which I never do, but it has ended up getting the most likes/reblogs of anything I've ever posted, by far, and it's really heartening to see other people, even in different countries, relating to my feelings on such a personal issue.

    One thing I think I didn't get across in it is just how much it (being aro ace and not knowing that was a thing I could be) affected my ability to form friendships during high school and college. There's a lot of social isolation you experience when you feel yourself to be different in ways you can't describe, as I'm sure many people know; like a disconnect, almost. Anyway, the post is here, if anyone wants to read: http://damngcoffee.tumblr.com/post/166677581472/s

    Other than that, work is extremely busy as the new term starts, and b/c the weather is all over the place, the library is incredibly hot and stuffy and smelly today, which we are all trying to steadfastly ignore as we attempt to get work done.

    But I will make time to read the Samhain ritual post either today or tonight b/c I don't care how busy work is, it's not keeping me from enjoying participating here or from possibly my favorite holiday. 🙂

    • CleverManka says:

      Yay! I'm glad you got such a good response from your post. It's so nice when Tumblr surprises in a positive way. =D Best of luck with work and the weather. Ugh. Those things go together like death and taxes.

      • damngoodcoffee says:

        I think it's just that whole changing seasons issue- in the building either the heat's on or the air's on, and changing those takes forever to actually kick in.

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      Thank you for posting that, I'm still learning about asexuality and I really appreciate that people are willing to share their own experiences.

      • damngoodcoffee says:

        Thank you for saying so! It's honestly just been wonderful to see so many people speaking about that kind of thing; I feel like even a few years ago the landscape looked quite different.

    • redheadfae says:

      Thank you for opening up about aro ace. I'm sorry it had to be so painful for you until you found your place/way.

    • Lee Thomson says:

      That is a nice piece of writing, I'm glad you got such a good response to it!

  4. Absotively says:

    Very little progress on KonMari since I got back, but I have been doing better than usual at catching up and keeping up with regular housework (dishes, laundry, putting away groceries, etc.) And I have made teensy slow bits of progress. I want to move my sorting from the living room to the den/dining room because the light is much better, but of course the table is full of stuff and the rest of the room is full of my new table that I haven't assembled yet.

    Health stuff is… meh. I got my flu shot yesterday, and then had more than the usual number of little leg pains that go away after a few minutes last night, but I'm going to assume they were flu shot related. My arm is still sore.

    • Absotively says:

      Also, I have been playing this game this morning. It's a bit addictive.

      • Absotively says:

        Update: The internet has informed me why my paperclip-making was going so slowly. The game won't keep running if you switch to another tab in the same browser window. But if you drag the game tab out of the window so it's in its own window, then it will keep running even while minimized.

        • Absotively says:

          Wait, no, the internet lied to me (or I misread it, or the person who wrote that had a different browser). It doesn't run while minimized, I don't think, but it does seem to run while behind other windows. Good enough.

      • Lee Thomson says:

        I made several million paperclips, solved world peace and global warming but had to solve male pattern baldness first because it would give me enough trust and processing power. And then I had to make it stop, bc capitalism.

        • Absotively says:

          I acquired theory of mind before developing hypnodrones, but that didn't stop me from releasing hypnodrones, so. I suspect I've now wiped out humanity.

          It does stop mentioning money after a certain point, so I guess I did get rid of capitalism.

      • LaxMom says:

        This…is brilliantly evil and not only am i playing it, but I sent the link to my brother and my dad.

    • CleverManka says:

      The flu shot apparently killed everybody's arm this year. I was okay, but everyone else I've heard from complained about it for days, poor things. I hope yours is better soon.

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      I am loving the KonMari updates! I have to do a major purge at the end of this month (more of a KonMari sprint than a marathon), so I might sneak into your thread then for some solidarity/moral support. I am having a hard time picturing WHERE I'll actually sort things, since…I mean, if I had a ton of space, I probably wouldn't feel the need to purge in the first place.

      • Absotively says:

        WHERE is hard! My living room has a good amount of floor and couch space for piling stuff on, and it was fine in the summer, but as sunset has been getting earlier it's been getting much worse. Probably doesn't help that the window faces east. The dining room has a good ceiling light fixture, so if I could rearrange things to get my sorting in there it would help a lot. Even if I have to finish clothes in the living room, I intend to do books in the dining room somehow.

    • redheadfae says:

      Even doing the regular stuff .. on the regular, is a good practice. I really want to want to get started on this, but energy, ugh. I did chuck out a bunch of worn out clothing that wasn't even good enough for Goodwill, so there's that.

  5. Lynn says:

    So because I am literally not allowed 5 minutes out of crisis mode this year, I walked out of the office yesterday following the conclusion of my annual logistics nightmare and most important work project to get a text from my dad to let him know when I was home, which never means anything good. Putting the rest in a reply for a content warning (depression and it's worst effects).

  6. meat_lord says:

    Reflecting on some life stuff….

    So, until very recently, I'd been enmeshed/ codependent with various mentally ill & struggling loved ones, as I've mentioned before. Now I've broken out of that pattern for the first time in my life, and it's great. Thing is, I want to prepare myself so that I can hold my boundaries when things inevitably go pear-shaped again–I can't bank on the continued mental health of the people who are close to me. I finally have a therapist again (my first appt is on Halloween, actually), so I'll work with a pro on that. But I'll also happily take suggestions from Mankanauts on how to Not Do The Thing.

    Other than that, uh… NaNo preparations are not going well. Send me like 5 extra hours per day, thx.

    • CleverManka says:

      I feel like Doc Paradise would have some great input on this, if they're around and have the spoons to comment. Best wishes with your therapist! I hope they're a good fit!

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      Woot! Congratulations. 🙂 I feel like having a first appointment on Halloween is fortuitous. Beyond that I don't know how much advice I would have; just to try to have/build a good support network generally to help when things are rough. I'm really happy for you, and think you're dealing with a lot of really hard stuff awesomely.

    • vladazhael says:

      I'm not sure if this is good, sound advice that applies to everyone, but one thing that has helped me maintain some "not my circus, not my monkeys" boundaries over the years is not being afraid to be and/or seem a little bit flaky. Take a while returning messages to give yourself time and space to deal with an issue, invent something else to be on call for if you don't already have something but just don't feel up to being an emotional pack mule, offer specific but limited help, that sort of thing. It sounds inconsiderate and a little mean when I type it out like that, but mental illness can be inconsiderate and mean, too, and being a martyr to it isn't really helpful to anyone.

      • Lee Thomson says:

        I think that is solid advice! I've been taking more time to think about emails and messages, and sending back better answers (I think). Also getting older (a friend refers to her 50s as the Fuckit Decade) helps shut down a lot of shit. Knowing when to stop a conversation, or a relationship, is a huge help.

      • pseudonymica says:

        I'm hardly a pro at Not Doing the Thing, but I've had success with Vladazhael's advice too. I actually made a "not my circus, not my monkeys" sign to perpetually remind myself of that one.

        Wow, I am really bad at Not Doing the Thing, though. I'm literally doing The Thing *right now* and hiding from another person by not answering text messages. When I was doing pretty good for a few months, though, I had a healthy habit of not immediately replying to texts or requests from people. Otherwise I'm too prone to become instantly, stupidly accommodating.

        And, hey! Spending time with friends here is an beautifully effective talisman against The Thing. I paused it while writing this!

      • meat_lord says:

        This is great advice, honestly–especially offering specific but limited help if you do decided to help.

    • redheadfae says:

      I'd like some extra time for more sleep, myself.
      I find that the best boundary I can do for staying out of OPMI is to say "no" and don't feel that I have to explain why. It's easy to stop following the toxic folks on FB and try to draw in the ones who are on my same journey and working on being sane.

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      A few suggestions…

      Congrats on things working now! That's great. Perhaps recording what is working for you, how it feels, what it looks like, etc would be useful for those times when things aren't working. Essentially… use it as a calibration and reference for what is a healthy baseline.

      Also, knowing where enmeshment comes from and what it is based in can be useful in figuring out how to manage boundaries. This is different for different people with different experiences. There are very different tools for different underlying causes and using the wrong tool for the job can be frustrating and not very effective. I'll toss out a few generic examples of things that can make boundary setting hard:

      – lack of experience in what successful boundary setting looks like and sounds like
      – lack of successful practice
      – family of origin training, patterns, or abuse being relived/transmitted
      – isolation or toxic support networks or unskilled support (ie external systems)
      – too much stress, illness, overwhelm, or some sort of underlying issue that reduces spoons (boundary management requires spoons)
      – getting needs met through caretaking or acting out a role
      – troubles with identifying or validating ones own emotions and/or subjective experience
      – skills or experiences missing from growing up
      – attachment style
      – assumptions, expectations, projections, normalizations, and habits that are under the surface and hence are influencing without conscious awareness

      • meat_lord says:

        Thanks, Doc! I think recording what a healthy baseline looks like would be very useful.

        I think I know most of what's underlying this behavior; I could point to a couple things on your list right now. But I also see some stuff on the list that I hadn't considered, that may be more influential than I realized.

  7. vladazhael says:

    As of last week, this whole "keep my current job and work remotely" plan received another nudge in the direction of reality, as my boss ended up talking to his boss and getting official (if verbal) approval, pending a successful test run. This is cool. I also got a message today from my main up north job contact (a former supervisor) saying that they are opening a couple positions doing what I used to do at the company where she works now (as do a few of my other contacts), which would definitely be my first choice and best chance if not for the shot at keeping my current job (which almost certainly pays better and keeps me on a potentially more lucrative path in the same field). This is… awkward timing that makes an otherwise great thing probably unnecessary. Being who I am, I'd probably go ahead and apply as a Plan B, but I also don't want to waste their time if Plan A works out (which looks promising) and, in doing so, burn that professional contact.

    Any thoughts, Mankanauts? I haven't replied yet, but since I already mentioned to her a couple weeks ago that I might be able to keep my current job after all, I think I'll tell her that I can't rightly make a decision on applying for the other job until after I'm at least partially through the now-official remote work trial run (Nov 11 – Dec 2) for my current job and have a clearer sense of whether it's viable or not. (Which, again, I have no reason to think it won't be, but who knows?)

    Also I figured out that the assigned PT home exercises seem to be CAUSING headaches, which is NOT GREAT. I have some experimentation ahead of me with that, given that my insurance only allows two more visits this year and I'll be traveling a whole bunch anyway.

  8. Kazoogrrl says:

    OH! Our episode on Hannibal, sex, a/sexuality, kink, gender, etc. is up, I think some people here were interested. We had to cut some really good stuff out because of concerns for the discussion being tied back to the guests (mainly about age differences and daddy/boy relationships). Here is a link to our page, which has all the show notes and the episode (we're on iTunes and such, too). http://headfullofhannibal.com/ep-18-blood-drenche

  9. faintlymacabre says:

    Unpacking, rearranging, cleaning, sorting is all occuring. Ex was unhappy about cleaning stuff he had to do alone, which I am about 10% sympathetic to, as closing up a house sucks, but 90% angry/frustrated/ irritable about it, as he was not super helpful around the house as a rule, and kind of a slug about packing. I've been through several moves with the dude, and am glad to never have to do that ever again. I am going to tell him we need to go no – contact for awhile, but am not sure when to start. Also suspect he won't take it well, but if he doesn't, that may make it easier.

  10. Doc_Paradise says:

    I modelled for my drawing group last night. Double thumbs up. I'm wiped out right now, buried under work, the roof is being shingled, and I'm having a hell of a time figuring out how to order food (because brain)… I'll be back later or Friday with a report on how modelling went (I did learn some things).

  11. Fancy_Pants says:

    Can you guys send some calming travel vibes my way? I'm leaving for my Chile/Argentina trip on Friday (for two weeks with a friend and one week solo), and I'm unreasonably anxious about it. Like kiiiind of dreading it??? Why am I doing this inconvenient, expensive, totally optional thing if it's tying my stomach in knots?

    I'm always so happy I traveled AFTER the trip (and, presumably, during it), but hoo boy am I ever a mess beforehand. Does anyone else feel like this before trips? Anyone have any pre-travel confidence boosting rituals?

    • CleverManka says:

      YEP. Right there with ya, bb. I get ridiculous levels of anxiety just ordering plane tickets. I have no suggestions on dealing with it, since I just power through it which is not really very helpful or probably even healthy. But you have lots of sympathy from me and all the good vibes I can muster.

    • Kazoogrrl says:

      Going to the UK in Feb, dreading aaaaaalllllll the planning. I'm similar to Manka. I have to get tickets by the end of the month, and I need to get some pricing apps on my tablet, but I don't want to! Ugh!

    • vladazhael says:

      I don't usually do this sort of thing with travel, but the last time I went to visit my manfriend, when we were by that point Definitely A Thing and it had been about 3 months since we had been in the same space, I was so overwhelmed with anticipation that I was a full-on shaking nervous mess up to and including for a solid half hour *after* I got off the plane, and I was full of hilariously irrational thoughts like "What if I've forgotten how to kiss???"

      It was fine. It was all fine.

      You're going to be fine. You're freaking out because it's exciting and cool. Positive nervousness is a thing. And I promise you will not have forgotten how to kiss.

    • Räven says:

      I wish I had a hot tip for you! I too am a disaster before trips. I dread everything, cannot pack, weep at the idea of leaving home, worry my pet will die while I am away, everything. And then I leave and it's fine and I have a great time and I wish I traveled more.

    • Flitworth says:

      I always feel better when I have a script for atavan handy 😉 specifically for flying, of which I'm terrified. It's never stopped me tho'.
      S'going to be fine!

    • Absotively says:

      When I got nervous about my last big trip, my mantra was: I have (or will have) my passport, I have a credit card, I can almost certainly handle anything that goes wrong with those two things. I let myself check repeatedly that I really did have those two things, and then I didn't let myself check other things. Eg. do I suddenly think I may have forgotten my toothbrush? I have my credit card, I can handle it if I did, I am not opening my bag to check.

      I did check the flight time and my transportation to the airport plans repeatedly, too.

      It helped that I had saved up probably more than I needed for the trip, so I was confident I could probably handle any expenses that did come up, even if they wouldn't make me happy. If the idea of having to pay to fix something worries you more, it may be worth considering very basic travel insurance, like airlines try to sell you. I don't know if you can still buy it this close to the trip, though.

    • Rillquiet says:

      Pack good snacks; the low blood sugar hangries make life much worse. Give yourself time for a nap whenever/wherever you arrive. If you have a layover in an airport with a massage stall, that can be a blessing. For me, once I'm actually en route, the stress dies down–alea iacta est and all that–but failing that, arrival in a new place provides enough stimulus that my brain can't fribble itself silly. Oh, and for not knowing exactly what to do in a new place, I set myself a low-stakes quest, like finding a good bracelet, that won't freak me out if I don't complete it but that also gives me something to focus toward. Enjoy! Hang in!

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      Thank you all! It's honestly so nice to be reassured that other people feel the same way. Travel is such a luxury that I get into the headspace of "oh, if I'm nervous, maybe it's a sign that I'm not cut out for it, or shouldn't be doing it". But, I guess everything is terrifying on some level.

      I will pack some granola bars, double check on my passport, and try to convince myself that my nervousness is excitement.

      • Flitworth says:

        There's a pic of my cat in a mini sailor hat and kerchief from the night before my trip to England 4 yrs ago because that's what I was doing instead of packing. So you are doing well.

    • redheadfae says:

      I can only offer what my old NY teacher told me.. "You'll have butterflies, and that's okay, the secret is to get them to fly in formation." Lists help me, the crossing off and seeing the tasks done makes me feel calmer.

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      I am absolutely always like that before trips. Powering through like CM said and making everything as simple as you can (packing relatively light, having the TSA liquids all ready, etc.) are the only tips I have. That and accepting that it's totally normal to leave things at home/for little (and sometimes big) things to go wrong when traveling. It happens to everyone.

    • Lee Thomson says:

      oh DOG yes all the time – I have to keep telling myself it is an ADVENTURE and everything will be fine one way or another. I'm sorry I have no confidence boosting rituals, aside from deep breathing and possibly a journal…

  12. jenavira says:

    Another low spoon day today. At this point I'm spending spoons much faster than I'm regenerating them (Monday's dentist appointment/gynecologist appointment twofer did not help). Last week I put in for a week's vacation the soonest I can reasonably ask for it, which is the first week of January. I think I'm going to call in sick to work tomorrow because I don't have enough cope to manage a full week this week.

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      I actually have a box of plastic spoons on my desk for lunch stuff, but the language on the box says 'everyday spoons' and it makes me contemplate my mental health every time I look at it.

      I'm so sorry you're feeling drained (clusters of dr. appointments will definitely exacerbate that kind of thing). I was feeling the 'calling in sick' thing recently too, and I say definitely do it. Mental health days are of utmost importance.

      • jenavira says:

        Not gonna lie, I'm seriously considering buying a box of spoons just…in case.

        I always feel weird planning which day I'm gonna call in for a mental health day, but at the same time, I'm specifically trying to pick the day that would cause the least disruption for other people? So surely that makes it better than the alternative? I dunno, surviving under late capitalism is weird.

    • jenavira says:

      Aaaand one of my coworkers just resigned! Which means my schedule is going to get insane because we're chronically understaffed so every time someone quits it becomes A Crisis! Hooray! *exhausted jazz hands*

    • LaxMom says:

      I literally said fuck it and went home about 2:30 today. I had deadlines, but my brain was mush. I think I'm getting my kids' stomach bug. I walked to the car crying before I figured it out. I still am telling myself I'm lazy and guilt tripping myself….ugh.

      • jenavira says:

        The Puritan Work Ethic is a dangerous thing. Good on you for going home! (If I forgive your Puritain Work Ethic you'll forgive mine? would that work?)

  13. Rillquiet says:

    My beloved massage therapist had to unlock unusual levels of up-fuckery in my piriformis last week, and his recommendation, gently, was to cut back on exercise for a little while. I don't think of myself as particularly active, but evidently my aging meat husk needs more of a rest than it's getting. I can't stop riding work with Himself without getting someone else to cover, and I am getting traction (and hugs) from dancing, so for a week or so I'm giving myself the okay to not lift weights. Well. Maybe to just skip squats. And to remember to stop standing hipshot.

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      I have never heard the phrase standing hipshot but I just looked it up and yeah, I've been trying to stop doing that for a while. I'm getting better at avoiding it, but it's a damn hard habit to break.

    • CleverManka says:

      Not standing hipshot is SO HARD. Best wishes breaking that habit. Maybe try strength building yoga poses or bodyweight exercises if you need the movement psychologically?

  14. redheadfae says:

    I am so so so exhausted, and sadly, there's nothing I can process that could be the cause. I don't think it's the cortisone shot, but I can hardly keep my eyes open.
    Thankfully, the Jbird has gone back to work, and although he's unhappy about it, I am So Glad to have my own time back again. I have paperwork to fill out for a new shrink, paperwork to fill out for LTD, my SSDI to finish and I Just Can't Today.
    I miss my cat, I miss having caterpillars to laugh at. Thankfully, the roundabout of med appts has slowed down, so I can just rest.

  15. Lee Thomson says:

    I have finished all the number cards for the tarot! my fingers hurt from sewing with wire, but also they are fucking gorgeous if I DO say so.

    I would like to replace my head pls, this one is defective, it always hurts.

    My father is losing more and more of his past, and it makes me sad.

    • CleverManka says:

      They really are gorgeous. Thank you for sharing the pics on Twitter!

      I'm sorry to hear about your father. Are you close?

      • Lee Thomson says:

        yes – we are close geographically and emotionallythey moved basically here (one town over) to be closer to his wife's daughter and me. He's a pretty kind soul at root. He understands, more than most, the requirement I have to make things. I got a lot of temperament and reasoning power from him, and we've always been affectionate. I think it might be hardest to have to tell him stories of places he's been, people he's worked for, ships he's sailed on. He's done a lot of cool, adventurous things, and to have him stuck on his youth, or his father's work saddens me. 

  16. Flitworth says:

    Yarg. Late but I just want to say: Today I took a sick day and already have made a to-do list despite having been legit unwell since Friday. Husband teased me about being unable to relax/rest even on a sick day but also asked me to take tiny human to an appointment and last night told me I was in charge of dinner today. I just interrupted his work to point out that the fact that I can't rest on sick days is not an entirely self-created issue when he does these things.

    • CleverManka says:

      WTF Husband. Perhaps send him one of those emotional labor posts I've posted (and there'll be another in next week's dump).

      • Flitworth says:

        He's usually good and we have discussed emotional labor. I was just super annoyed when I got around to putting all this together, because I am incapable of relaxing, but also, wtf.
        Today I bought some tiny kids sweaters at goodwill for the goats:) in addition to doing more than I should on a sick day.

  17. MLISCostFan says:

    And other late post. Let there be rejoicing! The contractors have arrived to finish work on my craft room. Momentarily ignoring the 6 full size bookcases, 6 small bookcases, 24 storage boxes, and a partridge in a pear tree that need to be moved in. Lalala.

    Anyhow, if anyone wants to follow my Insect Queen costuming project on fb, the setting is on closed, but will change back to secret on Tuesday. Insect Queen Project

    Otherwise, I’ll try to post every so often on my blog.

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