Mid-week check-in

Clever Manka, · Categories: Check-In

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This is the weekly post for those of us who are traversing together this hellscape called Personal Growth. Brag about this week’s accomplishments, ask for support, talk about what worked, what didn’t. Tell us how things are going for you.

220 Responses to “Mid-week check-in”

  1. meat_lord says:

    Morning, Mankanauts! I woke up real early and am now manic/peppy. I would like to offer you all a cup of coffee, or lavender tea, or some other refreshment that fits your dietary needs.

    I feel that I have Altogether Too Much Shit going on from now until mid-February, but I am endeavoring to handle it and not become swamped by panic. Hbbblllggghh. I've also got a conflict between a commitment I made to family and an important event in my partner's life, and I'm really hoping that one will resolve itself so that I don't have to choose which thing to be present for. (If anyone has tips on negotiating that sort of decision, that would be rad.)

    Good news: Finished and posted another fanfic! I feel very accomplished/ enthused to make more stuff.

    • CleverManka says:

      Yay fanfic! What fandom do you write in?

      As for the double-booking, how understanding is your family about stuff? Have you ditched them very often in the past? I feel like at some point a healthy Family Of Origin develops an understanding and accepts with good grace that their adult child will sometimes have obligations to their Family Of Choice that take precedence. If that's not how your FOO operates, though, best I can offer is condolences and good wishes. I hope it works out.

      • meat_lord says:

        I write for a number of fandoms! I'd rather not disclose this particular one, because it's small enough that someone might be able to find me.

        My family is very understanding, but I'm planning to visit my mom for her birthday, and I already thought I was going to have to cancel my trip once. I know she'd understand the reasoning if I reschedule my trip and swap out my plane tickets, but… I don't want to have to make her sad, because I'm a big softy.

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      Decaf coffee, please.

      Do they know about the conflict you have between the two events? If you can only go to one, would it be possible to contribute to the other in some positive way? (ie contributing in some manner, doing something before or after that supports it, skyping/calling/or otherwise remotely checking in instead of being there, etc)

      • meat_lord says:

        My partner's Thing just came up yesterday, so my fam doesn't know yet. My mom has a birthday every year, but my partner's event is a once-in-a-lifetime deal… the more I think about it, the more I know that I need to be there for them. My family will understand, even though I'll feel guilty about having to change my plans.

    • jenavira says:

      Coffeeeeeee.

      Congrats on the fanfic! That's such a good feeling, I hope it continues for you.

    • Heathered says:

      I want some of your manic pep! And congrats on the fanfic! That's a world I still intend to explore someday but things continually intervene.

    • Lee Thomson says:

      CAWfee (what crows drink) please –

      Congrats on the fanfic, you get a gold star!

  2. CleverManka says:

    I got over the (ahem) loose bowels I was suffering last Wednesday and Thursday only to go full in the opposite direction for four days despite zero change in eating/drinking habits. *sigh* I think things are evening out now? Maybe? Hopefully? Guess I'll find out tomorrow.

    My energy levels are improving, though. I was able to do about ten minutes of PT exercises followed by ten minutes of yoga on Sunday and Tuesday. I tried to work on some myofascial release stuff on Monday but my soft tissues are so tight and inflamed that I can't put nearly as much pressure on them as I used to and now I don't have the upper body strength to hold myself off the foam roller for very long (gonna start incorporating modified push-ups to the movement schedule). The Burgomaster worked on my glutes, quads, and IT bands and it hurt so bad despite the fact that he was barely pressing (he used to be able to put a good amount of his body weight into his elbow when he'd do deep tissue work on me).

    I had two nights of sleep that were broken only once or twice, but last night I was back to my wake nearly every hour schedule. At least I'm able to fall back asleep fairly quickly thanks to the melatonin supplements AtN put me on.

    We're still dealing with unusually cold temperatures here. It was 13F when I left for work (weather.com helpfully gave me the additional info that it felt like 7F) but at least we're in positive numbers. Tomorrow's supposed to get into the low 40s so maybe that'll be warm enough to melt whatever froze in the mechanism of the passenger side door on our car which currently has to be held shut with a bungee cord (or my hand).

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      Maybe there was nothing left to move? Glad you are feeling better.

      I always preferred deep massage to relaxing massage, but when my body was inflamed a light touch worked so much better than a firm one.

      Ah. Winter. *fuckitalldamnickewww*

      • CleverManka says:

        "Nothing left to move" sounds like a really great book title. And yes, thank you, I'm so glad, too! I'm feeling a lot more mentally engaged, too, which I forgot to mention above.

        Winter is the worst but I'm one paycheck away from ordering those boots that Xolandra recommended last week. I hope the place still has the ones in my size by then!

        I'm also considering finally buying a down coat because my wool isn't cutting it in these temps. If any of you northerners have recs for good manufacturers or sellers for those…

        • Doc_Paradise says:

          Sorry. No down coat recs. I haven't had one in a long time. My warmest coat at the moment is a shearling coat (which isn't very wind proof). The only possible advice I can give is that I'm *firmly* on the side of longer coats.

          • CleverManka says:

            Yeah, I can see that–gotta keep the bum and legs warm. Go big or go home when it comes to heavy-duty winter coats!

          • jenavira says:

            Seconded. My long coat split the back seam up to the waist while I was out doing post-Christmas shopping, and the increase in cold was Unacceptable.

            (If anyone has any tips for wrangling long coats + small cars, let me know, I'm sure that's it's problem.)

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            Treat them like skirts. Do the scoop and swish sit.

          • RoseCamelia says:

            I wore a long wool coat daily for 4 months of every year for decades. I was commuting by car about half of those winters. My habit is to hike up my coat as I enter the car.

            That is, I empty my hands first by loading the car from standing outside of it. After opening the door to my seat I grab with both hands at the coat fabric over my hips. I pull those handfuls of fabric up to my waist. I pin my upper arms against my body to keep extra fabric in new position as I get in the car.

            The habit is so ingrained, I catch myself doing it even now. I live in Houston these days and there's no reason to hike up my cardigan. But I do it before thinking about it.

        • Absotively says:

          I bought my down jacket from MEC on sale. It makes me look like a bright red marshmallow. I *think* it's an older version of this one. It's quite warm, though for really cold temperatures I do wear a sweater under it. The MEC page notes that it's meant for layering and is not great against wind, because of how it's quilted, but I've found mine pretty good even when there's a fair bit of windchill.

          I don't know what the shipping to the US is like, though.

          (MEC is sort of like REI, but Canadian. It was started by Canadians who liked REI but were tired of making cross-border shopping trips. I don't know how similar the two are now.)

          • Absotively says:

            Worth noting that I'm not 100% sure that's the new version of my jacket, and if it is they've definitely changed some things. Mine has a zip-off hood and a butt flap, and I think it may be even puffier.

          • Absotively says:

            Found a review for an older version of that jacket, and yup, that's my jacket. Well, the review is for the men's version, but at the time they were the same except for minor shape differences. Apparently the older versions can be stuffed into their own pocket, which explains why the interior pocket is so big. I will have to try that.

            But again, the new version is different enough that I don't know whether to recommend it to anyone. It definitely looks less puffy, but it has higher fill-power down, so maybe that makes up for it.

          • CleverManka says:

            Oh, nice! I know someone who is some sort of district manager for REI. I'll drop him an email about this, thank you for the suggestion!

          • Absotively says:

            I hope he can suggest something for you!

        • Kazoogrrl says:

          I'm going great with this one, with an added cardigan underneath for standing around outside, and they have down coats too. It's been taking me down to 0F windchill in MD. Note: if you have wide hips it might not fit right, but it works for my short, chunky but straight figure. http://www.eddiebauer.com/product/womens-girl-on-

          • CleverManka says:

            Oh my goodness, really? It looks so light/thin! Which is a good thing! The reason I've never wanted a down coat is they're so damn bulky. Alas, I definitely have big ol' hips and narrow shoulders so I'm not sure it would fit my bottom and top halves. I'll definitely keep it in mind, though!

          • Kazoogrrl says:

            It's more of a lined rain coat than a puffy jacket, I got it for the trip. I am not fond of the swishy nylon noise, but between the rain, cold snaps, and having a messy dog, it's working out.

        • Lee Thomson says:

          My perpetually cold elder Crow went for the warmest thing she could get from LLWho and it is composite down and polyester and p. much bomb-proof. It isn't lower than her tush, so thighs on down are still exposed, but she also wears three or four layers of pants in deep winter.

          My perpetually cold partner has a Columbia two part, zip together thing that works for him, also over the butt, though no longer.

          Lastly my cold and dainty librarian friend has a long down thing from LLWho, basically she is warm to her ankles.

          I got myself a thin down Patagonia (they call it a "down sweater" which what?) jacket, and it does well for me until -15 or so. I have to zip it up at 0F. I am definitely a mammal.

        • ru_ri says:

          I wanted to give you my take on winterwear before, but didn't get a chance! Here goes…

          It gets fairly cold here in northern MI, and I live and die by my Smartwool long underwear (Minus33 is also a good brand)–I put it on in October and don't leave the house without it until April. I've had the same four pairs for at least 5 years, and I think they'll keep going another 5. I buy them on sale in spring. Anyway, I wear the mid-weight merino long johns and a lightweight merino camisole underneath a long-sleeved merino or thermal shirt. On cold days I add a wool sweater and a silk scarf. Then if I go outside I put on a fleece, and for the top layer my Arcteryx goretex shell which is probably the most expensive item of clothing I have ever bought but was totally worth it, keeps out the wind and cold better than anything else. If I'm going to be out for a while in subzero weather I put rain pants on over my other pants. On my feet, 100 percent wool socks and Sorel boots (someone else here didn't like Sorels but my Snow Angel zip boots are the best I have ever had, they are warm as fuck and mostly slip-resistant). If it is super icy I do have a pair of IceBug studded boots. This winter I left them up north for my mom to wear, since I can afford to fall much better than she can. And my dad wears YakTracks on his boots when he goes out and they keep him from falling even though his balance is shit. HTH…

    • Heathered says:

      I'm glad to hear you're getting glimpses of progress and temperatures above zero! Trying to remember some kind of physical therapy that's described as feeling like someone placed a nickel on you, but it's escaping me.

      • CleverManka says:

        Well that certainly sounds intriguing!

        • Heathered says:

          Craniofascial? Myofascial? I think it's something fascial. :/

          • CleverManka says:

            Huh! Well I do my own myofascial work and if it's supposed to feel like a nickel sitting on me, I am doing it way wrong. =D Craniofasical deals with head and face stuff so I dunno…if you think of it, let me know!

          • redheadfae says:

            CranioSacral release therapy. A dance friend of mine did some on me years ago when I had hideous neck problems and it was very effective. I actually felt the energy run down my spine and sort of "flip over" in my abdomen. Hard to explain.

          • Heathered says:

            Oh my god, thank you. Me, all day: PeanutSandwich therapy? CarbonButthead therapy? PlantarFascial therapy? Derp. A former boss was having her daughter treated with it and said it was super non-invasive and helpful, though I can't recall what for. I just remember the gentleness being paramount.

  3. jenavira says:

    I had a program at the library last night, one that I was tragically unprepared for but which was attended by my director and one board member (I thought it was gonna be two, I forgot she'd quit the board last year), so I dosed myself up with caffeine and powered through. Today I am Wiped Out, and combine that with being on day five of switching meds and it's…not gonna be a great week. (Oh, and it's a weird schedule week, because of course it is.)

    Last weekend I read The Midnight Disease by Alice W. Flaherty, as recommended by doc_paradise, a book about writer's block and its variations, and how and why it might work in the brain. It was enlightening, and I have copious notes which I haven't yet reviewed but might have time to this afternoon, if anyone else is interested.

  4. burningupasun says:

    Just wanted to give y'all a brief, post-surgery update. I am doing well, and can walk around now without getting winded! I am still in Virginia, staying with my boyfriend, though I fly home this Sunday (boo). I started working again, albeit from home (well, his home) and appear to be in the stage where I am mostly okay but sitting upright like that for several hours in a row makes my abdominal muscles ache still, ugh. On the other hand, I have a pretty cool scar I guess.

  5. vladazhael says:

    Manfriend went to see an apartment for us yesterday, and we are working on applications today and also both having our own functioning anxiety freakouts because that's how we roll. The what and why of this whole thing we're doing is solid, but there's an existential conflict between the urge to get housing squared away ASAP and the worry that maybe this place isn't "the one" and we should be waiting to find something that's perfect and our dream house is going to pop up as soon as we sign a lease and we could do better on the parking situation and oh god what if the pets hate each other and there are so many stairs and blah blah blah. Basically everything is going to be fine, but it's hard to imagine there's not an even better than fine option out there when I'm actually committing to something after months and months of browsing.

    On the plus side, we're pretty great at understanding each other's anxieties and being supportive and plodding through it. So that's cool.

    • CleverManka says:

      The pet thing would definitely be stressing me, too. I'm glad you're supportive and understanding of each other's freakouts!

      What is your dream house (realistic or otherwise)?

      • vladazhael says:

        That's part of the problem with me choosing things: I don't really have one particular dream house in mind so much as a collection of elements I really like (on top of practical requirements), some of which can't possibly coexist without said house becoming some sort of horrifying non-Euclidian space. So it could be *this* one with the time capsule 1950s kitchen, or *that* one with the original Craftsman woodwork, or any number of variations rather than one thing that checks all of a set of boxes.

        I tend not to pin my hopes on concrete things in general, really, which became part of an interesting conversation I had with Manfriend recently. He was surprised to find that I didn't have any specific mental picture of what I wanted my life to look like when left to my own devices, because he's the sort of awesome person who consciously doesn't want to obscure my wishes in favor of his own or have me become just an attachment to his existence. But I've never been one to think in goals beyond the first few tiers of Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs; to me, getting overly specific about the top couple tiers is a setup for disappointment, or at least frantic last-minute course changes when life does something unexpected (which, IMO, is the only thing one can consistently expect). I'd rather get the essentials stabilized so I can wing it on the fun stuff.

        • CleverManka says:

          getting overly specific about the top couple tiers is a setup for disappointment, or at least frantic last-minute course changes when life does something unexpected
          I used to be like that 100%. In my advanced age, though, I am becoming a lot more focused in What I Want Eventually. Who knows when any of those things (from home layout to daily life routines) will happen, though. Putting a timer on those things is…not something I can do because I've learned my body often has Other Ideas about what we're doing and when.

        • Fancy_Pants says:

          People with super specific life goals and timelines…terrify me a little bit? How can anyone be sure of anything? Imagine having the confidence to think you have control over what happens in your life!

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      Oh god apartment hunting is torture for us FOMO-prone folks, isn't it? I always find that I fall more in love with a place once I move in and all my stuff is there. It's making the decision that's the hard part.

      Awww also glad you two are anxiety twins. I think it helps for me and my partner that we both have similar-ish mental health issues so we truly "get it" instead of just being supportive but baffled.

      • vladazhael says:

        Yyyyyup. I know that once we sign a lease for real, the #1 most important thing for me to do will be to STOP. FUCKING. LOOKING. I may be coming back here for support in that…

        I think it helps for me and my partner that we both have similar-ish mental health issues so we truly "get it" instead of just being supportive but baffled.

        This is definitely us. Similar issues with different manifestations, and just as importantly, healthy levels of self-awareness and emotional intelligence when it comes to dealing with them.

    • Absotively says:

      I hope you get the apartment and it turns out even better than you expect, and also that no dream house magically pops up after you sign the lease.

  6. Absotively says:

    Today is my first workout at my new gym, which is finally quasi-open! My right plantar fascia continues to be mad at me, so I'll probably have to use the exercise bike instead of the treadmill, which is a bit annoying but I'll get over it. Also I have to be there a early because it's my first class, and the Wednesday schedule is not great at this point, so I'll have to leave work a bit earlier than I'd like. But in future weeks not having to be there extra early will fix most of that, and I'm hopeful that they'll tweak the schedule as they get more people signed up.

    It's also new player night at Netrunner, which is great but means that I had more stuff than usual to shove in my bag, which was already fuller than usual due to all the gym stuff. It also means that I didn't seriously consider taking the slightly later gym class, which might work out on weeks when I don't mind being a bit late for Netrunner.

    It's also, apparently, the day for my lunch to leak. It seems to have mostly hit my bag and the bottom of one workout shoe, and just missed my Netrunner cards and the Netrunner league prizes I still have to give out and my non-shoe workout gear. So it's not terrible, just annoying.

    Finally remembered to make a follow-up appointment with my doctor and take my blood pressure a few times. Appointment is tomorrow. Blood pressure is slightly high, but maybe the fact that I'm starting regular gym-going will be enough to address it for now.

    Anyways, my outfit is great and involves my nice vest, so I'm hoping to actually find a good picture-taking mirror so I can share it Friday. Maybe at the gym!

  7. Heathered says:

    I have a stack of unsent mail here waiting for the stamps I ordered over two weeks ago. Our old post office is in the next block, shuttered due to government stupidity (at least they pulled out the WPA mural and moved it to City Hall). My life at the moment feels similarly stalled: Not exactly depressed, but isolating again and feeling like I'm not so much in my life as waiting for it to find me. Not a good feeling, especially at my age. On the plus side I've committed to eat down the contents of my freezer and pantry, and Job One was taking all my odd bits of bread and making a whopping bread pudding in the slow cooker. St. John's Wort is nice and all, but carbs actually love you I just know it.

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      Bread pudding is like the best thing in the world. I'm sorry you're feeling that way, though. I've definitely felt that way before, and I don't think it's uncommon at all, but it sucks, and I hope you feel better soon. I'm definitely here (on a time lag due to work stuff, but still here) to listen/chat.

      • Heathered says:

        Thank you! What goes best with bread pudding? Damn good coffee, of course.

        • damngoodcoffee says:

          I was just thinking about my username this morning, actually 🙂 b/c I haven't watched Twin Peaks in a while, and I know it's been having a Moment, with the reboot and all, but I still have such affection for the feel of that show, and particularly Special Agent Dale Cooper in a diner talking about buying a piece of pie because every day you should give yourself a present, and it just makes me feel calm.

          Also coffee is just the best.

          • jenavira says:

            Dale Cooper is A Good. I should re-watch Twin Peaks.

          • Heathered says:

            I think I sort of knew that's where your u/n was from despite only seeing five minutes of that show and being fully traumatized, but it's also just a comforting phrase independent of someone having a letter "e" stuck under their fingernail. (Why that freaked me out so badly I still do not know.)

          • damngoodcoffee says:

            Oh it's a totally creepy as hell show, which I think I tend to forget when I reminisce about Dale Cooper being Dale Cooper. He has like a sedating effect on me, or something. But it is definitely a comforting phrase, I agree. 🙂

    • CleverManka says:

      Oh god please think of me while you're enjoying the bread pudding!!!! I hope the carbs can help you feel more in your life. I 100% understand that feeling.

      Also, WTF post office. Jeez.

    • vladazhael says:

      My life at the moment feels similarly stalled: Not exactly depressed, but isolating again and feeling like I'm not so much in my life as waiting for it to find me.

      I am experiencing this as well. I am not distressed, but with all the stuff going on mentally and logistically, I am more emotionally detached than usual, and also very much waiting for life to start for real after my move. Granted, my situation is different in that I do have a specific thing I'm aiming for, but it's not ideal to be unable to live in the moment because I am mentally geared for looking ahead.

      • Heathered says:

        This is really helpful to see, as was your mention of Maslowian half-climbing. I was just writing about this and how it's hard to conceive of self-actualization when I just kind of live meal to meal. And if I *do* have a thing I'm aiming toward, my tendency is to get there and then immediately fall back into, "Well, NOW what?" thinking. It's like the worst parts of being satisfied too easily combined with the worst parts of NEVER being satisfied. Yay, brain.

        • RoseCamelia says:

          Well, NOW what?

          This. Thank you for giving me the shorthand I need for that feeling. May your brain give you a break today. ::Mankanaut hugs::

          • Heathered says:

            It's behaving semi-okay, thanks. I wish it could have taken me outside though, 'cause now it's gonna rain and possibly snow for four days. Eep.

        • Lee Thomson says:

          Huh. I get in the dumps over weather or finishing a big project and not having the next one queued up, but I seldom have a "Now what?" moment.

          What might you do to escape this?

          • Heathered says:

            Well, it's interesting given the general view of five year plans that turned up today, but I do think my failure to get really specific about *wants* as well as needs is a thing that can help if I turn it around. If I can articulate it well I can probably find it, make it, or make it happen. But someone I spoke to not long ago asked what I was looking for in terms of friendship/relationships, and the best I could come up with was "hopefully not a religious homophobe who wants to convert me." Later I sat down with myself and had a long talk in the key of, "Honey, no. Just no." And started making a motherfucking list. It doesn't put what I want in my path (especially when I'm reluctant to ever go outside again), but I'm much more likely to know it when I see it now.

    • ru_ri says:

      Since my 20s I have struggled with the feeling of Doing Time until the Next Thing. I was trying to explain this to someone the other day and they acted like I was nuts. But when I was in college, I was Doing Time to finish it. And then I was Doing Time in various places until I found a better job, finished taking care of a relative, achieved some kind of rank in my art, needed to return to the US, etc. Sometimes I get so tired of being unsettled and waiting for something. And I am fucked if I know what I am waiting for. And I can't figure out if this is why I've been rootless for so long, or if it's the result of the rootlessness.

      Anyway, just sayin'. You are not alone in that feeling of waiting. FWIW, the thing that keeps me afloat is community–the dojo is lots of work but it really saves me.

      Your slow-cooker bread pudding has inspired me and imma make me some rice pudding tomorrow (sadly, bread just does not agree with me). CARBS!!!!! (I imagine shouting that like KHAN!!!!)

      • RoseCamelia says:

        Rootless here too. I feel lots of the same Doing Time. But, like you, I don't know if it travels with rootlessness, is caused by it, or is unrelated. And yes, community. Which feels MIA for me.

        • Heathered says:

          I think of you as so adept at landing in a new place and getting your Functional Roots in the ground ASAP. But I guess if you're waiting for word that you have to pull them up and get back on the road…oof, that's hard. I remember loving Collette's The Vagabond and thinking that would be me someday, but it only took losing my home once to make me the clingiest of vines.

      • Heathered says:

        I spent literally this whole day trying to find this song online (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNeABQOfO4s) because it reminds me of my would-be Riot Grrrl 20's, when that idea came to roost. The weird thing is, I root down ferociously wherever I am and then have an incredibly hard time leaving or moving, in part because it seems like The Thing That's Supposed To Happen Where I Am is just slow in coming. More likely I am supposed to happen on my own behalf, but I can't grasp how to do it alone.

        Rice pudding is the best! I'm eating all my bread in hopes I will not rush out and buy more, because it's basically sugar in sheep's clothing and as such best saved for treats. This leaves me with a lot of pancake mix to plow through, though. I was doomsday prepping without realizing it.

  8. Xolandra says:

    Hellllllloooooooooooooooooo Mankanauts!

    House update: things… progress. I had to yell at my (insurance chosen) project manager because he went on hols for two weeks and… didn't tell me? And also didn't work out who was paying for the asbestos abatement (INSURANCE IS, even tho insurance told me they wouldn't!!!) before spending three days doing it? And also has no timelines for me for when the construction work is happening? But the electricians are in there right now, and i am told by the dude working on the project that the fact that I am missing a ceiling and a wall has been Very Helpful and means fewer holes, but he refuses to let me know if he will, in fact, be done by the end of the day Friday until today (or maybe tomorrow) because now apparently he has to drill into our foundation? I plan on popping by today for A Thing I Forgot and also an update. O, and paying them has been oddly hard? Like day 1 I was like "cheque"? and buddy was all "this ain't my project, I'm just here getting started, give it to buddy2" and buddy2 hadn't arrived by the time I showed and so I just left? And they never gave me an actual number (the only reason I even knew that they wanted money at the start of the job was because I read the fine print on the quote WHO EVEN DOES THAT?) and so i had to confirm if the number was before or after tax and then I tried to e-transfer the money but my limit is a literal fifth of how much $$$ they wanted, so I had to go back to my house to give away 60% of all of my money and I am feeling tired and hard done by, is what I am saying here. Like, honestly, how do these people function?

    Also house related – I asked the contractor THREE TIMES what I needed to move for them to be able to work efficiently and THREE TIMES I was told nothing and then buddy was all "why didn't you move your oak bookshelves loaded with Tomes?" and i was like I ASKED AND HE SAID REMOVE ART ONLY. I ASKED THREE TIMES. So there was some jovial ribbing about all of the moving that buddy2 was going to have to do. Serves him right.

    • Xolandra says:

      Navigating the patriarchy update:

      1) last night I used the pool/hot tub in the hotel for the first time, and it was all fine, there were children playing but that's what children do, it was fine. But eventually they left and it was just me n my friend and I was working out knot in her neck while we were soaking in the hot tub when the pool dude came in and we were like welp! time to go! And then he was all don't leave because i am here, you still have time! And I was like nono, we are too hot, it's time to go anyway and we went to shower and change and then I went to get more towels (the ones we were using were soaked post pool) and he was all "so… you here for a while?" and we chat a bit about where I am from and why i am there and he's like "yeah, is a nice place, there are like kitchens and things" and I was like "yup, v useful, for sure, we had curry for dinner tonight" and he said "so what, like a chicken curry?" and I was like "nope, she's vegan, I'm veg, it was a red lentil daal" and he ACTUALLY GAVE ME A ONCE OVER (while in my swimsuit, remember) as he said "vegetarian hey? yeah, it shows" and i was like HOW DO YOU STILL HAVE A JOB?!?! Upon relating anecdote, friend was like "well that's going in his stroke book" and I am still kinda not sure how I feel about that. I am pleased that tonight's hot tub date is for directly after work, because he may not be there then.

      2) dagnabbit, there was a number two and i frigging forgot it. Alas! Maybe it will come back to me 🙂

      • RoseCamelia says:

        Can you leave a note at the front desk asking that the pool dude not speak to women dressed in swimsuits? Eww.

        Daily physical presence at the job site is highly recommended. Workers come to expect it and it puts them on their best behavior. Work gets done more accurately. Any oddities can be noticed immediately and asked about on the spot.

        I'm so glad you have curry and a hot tub. Your life sounds stressful just now.

      • Lee Thomson says:

        EW!! ew ew ew EEEWWW. Dudes are the wooorst, and the more entitled the more worse they get.

        Also house stuff is deeply unsettling because no one contractor knows what the others are up to, they don't communicate with you or each other or even their underlings as far as I can tell – it is the last frontier of stupidly rugged individualism and I want to BITE them all.

        And I am remembering when we refit the garage we chose a woman to do the electric-ing because she was the only one who actually talked to us.

        • Xolandra says:

          No word of a lie, I chose my contractor because, of the three asked for an estimate, he was the only one who quoted me for the work I wanted done rather than for the work that he thought I needed. #harrumph

      • Heathered says:

        Total flashbacks to my previous landlord and his army of incompetent repairmen. You have my sympathy, and my blowtorch if you want it.

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      Welp. You are convincing me not to buy a house. o_0

      Thank goodness you aren't living in that during it. Good call, that.

      • Xolandra says:

        OMG, buying a house is quite literally the worst adult decision I ever made. I call it the Albatross, and if I had it to do all over again, i would gleefully rent for the rest of my life.

        This, however, is because I actually know very little about home maintenance and repair, and also i am terribly lazy. ymmv.

        • RoseCamelia says:

          I would also happily rent for the rest of my life. Maintenance is Not. For. Me.

          However, when the economy crashed in 2008, I was very glad I owned my home. Lots of landlords were forced to sell properties with underwater mortgages. Tenants were forced out or forced to pay doubled or tripled rent prices to new landlords.

          Had Mr Rose and I been forced out of a rental, we would have been homeless, since we both had lost our jobs in the economic crash. No amount of savings will convince a landlord to extend a lease without W-2 income. Ask Heathered about that.

          So I'm fucked either way. Renting leaves me vulnerable to economic crashes. Owning is a maintenance albatross. Maybe conditions are better in Canada.

        • Doc_Paradise says:

          I've never owned a house, only rented them. I can see the appeal in owning one every time I interact with my property manager or want to do/change/fix something in the property. However, being able to move quickly and have someone else be responsible for fixes is a plus (except when they don't do them).

          What was your reasoning on buying a house? What would have been good to know before hand?

          • RoseCamelia says:

            You didn't ask me, and I'm interested to know how Xolandra answers your question. Forgive me for my two cents.

            My ideal is to buy less house than I can "afford" in order to have room in the budget to outsource maintenance. I want to pay someone else to fix the house I own.

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            Getting the best of both worlds… decision making power AND less work. Money is a solution sometimes.

    • CleverManka says:

      I just woke up from my nap and the most cogent thing I can think of to say to both these comments is BAN MEN.

  9. Doc_Paradise says:

    I've been productive this week and productivity helps with my mood. (It goes in both directions but this one is more upward.) I also had a positive visit with my kidney doc and my kidneys are still stable. That helps with some of the medical fear.

    I modelled again last night for my drawing group. I've discovered that I really like doing figure drawing modelling. It's like a cross between yoga and meditation. It also isn't causing me any gender dysphoria. My internal focus is on my muscles and strength rather than appearance. The group has a high percentage of serious artists so they are very focused on their art and I'm just the subject of their art… so it feels like gender isn't the important thing there. That works for me.

    One of the artists I like also gave me one of his drawings that I was admiring. One I posed for. That was a surprise and really cheered me.

    • Fancy_Pants says:

      Free self portrait? Score!

      I'm glad you're having a good experience with the modeling. I always found figure drawing to be refreshing because you're looking at a naked person and objectifying them, but as an aesthetic object rather than a sexual one. Which is sadly rare in our culture.

      • Doc_Paradise says:

        Yes. That. The first time I took a figure drawing class I didn't know what to expect but after a few minutes it wasn't a *naked* person anymore it was just a naked person. People are now my favourite subjects to draw.

        This session is semi clothed (underwear/swimsuit) but I'm considering doing nude modelling for figure drawing. It seems much less intimidating now.

        I really like the drawing. I've found a frame for it.

        • meat_lord says:

          I also adore drawing humans. I took a figure drawing class in college (one of my friends modeled for it!) and it was fabulous. I'm so glad you're finding modeling to be rewarding!

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            People are so interesting and I like that figure drawing is positive towards a large variety of bodies.

          • CleverManka says:

            I'm SO happy the modeling gig is working out for you!

            As a former art student, I can confirm that even we first-year mostly-still-teenager art students enjoyed the variety of bodies we got to draw. And I know I wasn't alone (or even rare) in preferring to draw fleshier models.

            Hurray for feeling productive/better already! I know your time since the trip hasn't been fun/easy and I'm glad you're already pulling out of the funk, even if just a little.

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            It was a perfect storm of triggers and overwhelm. The thing about storms, even perfect ones, is that they pass eventually. I'm cleaning up debris, but maybe the storm has passed? Maybe? Hopefully. I have a plan for the medical stuff, everyone in the household is doing better, and I may have identified someone who needs to be kept at a longer arm's length. yay

            Modelling was great… I'm so sore today. Ohhhhh…. I tried to keep active posing and not slouch. It was three hours of keeping posture active. I'm pleased I could do it.

  10. Fancy_Pants says:

    Creativity check-in! Ahhh I almost skipped check-in this week because I haven't been doing much, but maybe some of you have been productive and can inspire me.

    The one thing that I did do this week was three nights in a row I spend maybe 15-20 minutes just free doodle-sketching with no intention of making a "real" drawing. Just shutting my brain off as much as possible and letting my pen move wherever it wanted to. It's like the equivalent of those free writing "morning pages" exercises to get me used to putting garbage down on a page without worrying and judging if it's good or not. It's also very relaxing and is a good way to take myself out of my head when I'm having anxiety issues.

    Do you guys have any cool creativity exercises that you like to do?

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      My figure drawing group restarted yesterday. I modelled for them. One of the artists there gave me a drawing he did that I was admiring.

      The photography session with Dr.TBD went well. I hired a model (former competitive bodybuilder) and now have 400 reference photos to use in drawing and painting. I have been making plans for them.

    • damngoodcoffee says:

      This kind of feels like a taboo thing to say, but I genuinely do not feel like I have much creativity in me. I cannot think of a thing I do that I feel is genuinely creative. I do 'create' lesson plans for work, and I acknowledge that there is some creativity within that, but it honestly most of the time gives me more stress than payoff. In terms of more 'traditionally' or typically creative activities (arts/crafting/writing/etc.) the only thing I do do is keep a journal that I am trying to write in every night. My only goal other than it being every night is that it is not overly filled with rants and to-do lists, so I think there's a bit of creativity there as well.

      • CleverManka says:

        I understand that. I've never felt like a terribly creative person, either. I'm okay at copying other people's styles or making my own variation on someone else's design, but coming up with my own ideas isn't really My Thing. It's not something I particularly need or want to do, either. I'm quite happy making my own versions of things I see and that. I might not be ~creative~ but I enjoy creating things–clothes (based on patterns), food (based on recipes or my own variant on existing recipes), art (completely in in the style of the collage artist I learned from), etc.

        I think the prestige put on originality is an unfortunate offshoot of our culture's insistence on individuality and that's…not always a good thing or a good fit for everyone.

        • damngoodcoffee says:

          I think the prestige put on originality is an unfortunate offshoot of our culture's insistence on individuality and that's…not always a good thing or a good fit for everyone.

          ITA; I think this is totally spot on. Like, I could see there being many daily ways in which we build off of things that came before to create something new, whether it's how we make our breakfasts in the morning to how we go about our daily exercise routines or what have you. There's creativity involved in lots of things, but that's never really been how I've thought of it, and I think it's just for the reasons you've said.

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            Totally unique ideas that pop out of nowhere aren't really a thing. Everything is built on something else (many somethings). Stuff looks like it comes from nowhere just has the strings less visible.
            https://doc-paradise.dreamwidth.org/1326.html

          • jenavira says:

            Or has had the strings carefully hidden.

          • Lee Thomson says:

            This gets Hlepy – ignore if you like!

            You could think about this in a couple different ways.

            If you are happy enough with the status quo, and do not actually want to pursue a traditional craft or art, then you're done. Journal writing is writing and it counts as far as I'm concerned, and beyond that who cares? Are you content? That is the part that counts.

            If you want to make things, particularly art or craft, it helps a lot to have skills you can apply to the process. You go back and forth between skill development and idea development, and it might never feel like hugely original or amazing work, but really if it scratches any itch you might have for making (as separated from creativity) then that is done. Copying other people's work is a key part of this process, as is repeating things until you have a firm grasp on the process.

            For people who want to be creative but don't know how to start, I have advice, and no one ever listens. Because it is too easy. The advice is: make a thing that interests you, then do it again, and change one thing (sometimes someone asks "what do I change?" and generally I answer 1) the thing that pissed you off in making this thing or 2) the thing you know how to change) – and repeat, ad infinitem.

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            ^This. Very much this. A large part of creativity is sweat and practice. (And swearing.) It's a process not a thing.

          • jenavira says:

            Yes. Starting with the kind of thing that comes in a kit can help, too, because usually it's just a couple of kits before you're coming up with little tweaks because why did the designer do that

          • damngoodcoffee says:

            Definitely not hlepy 🙂 For right now I'm very much in the first group, which I think is a great way of putting it for me, generally. I don't really feel creative (though changing up the context re:the comments above, everyone is creative every day, which I really like), but I never felt the need to take up something involving any kind of art or craft. I will definitely try and stick with journal writing, though; I have always had trouble keeping them in the past but I do think I can really get something out of doing it with that regularity.

      • Xolandra says:

        keep a journal that I am trying to write in every night. This is not insubstantial. It takes a huge amount of dedication to achieve daily journal writing! And journal writing is totally a creative endeavour!

        • damngoodcoffee says:

          Your reply and others are making me think that a lot of this has to do with my concept of creativity, rather than starting from the p.o.v. that we all do plenty of creative things just to go through the day, even if they are not designated 'creative' activities.

          • vladazhael says:

            I've been reexamining that, too. Being a fairly private person when it comes to my emotions, I've never been great with expressive types of creativity (including journaling, despite youthful efforts to be that person), but I'm trying to learn how to give myself credit for the things I craft and the ideas I come up with to manipulate already existing creations and accomplish tasks and solve problems.

      • jenavira says:

        Sooooo in reading the book about writer's block (see my top-level post) one of the things that came up was that writer's block is a very recent phenomenon, because in earlier eras writers who couldn't write basically thought that they were out of whatever made them write, and that maybe it's incredibly optimistic to say that everyone has a limitless store of creativity that they can tap into.

        Which is to say, I don't think it's wrong to think that you don't have any creativity to work with, if that feels right to you. Everyone does not need to write a novel or paint a picture or whatever. You can do other things.

        • damngoodcoffee says:

          That's fascinating- I think that and Manka's point above are really on point. It's more about how we, as a society/culture, have been framing creativity rather than creativity itself.

      • Fancy_Pants says:

        There's lots of ways to be "creatively" engaged in the world also, beyond making arts or crafts. You can create community, create special experiences, have adventures, nurture relationships. It takes all kinds, really. Imagine if everyone in the world was thinking about their screenplay all the time…Ugh!

        • RoseCamelia says:

          Create community, nurture relationships, have adventures. Like meeting at a restaurant with someone from the internet!

          damngoodcoffee did me the honor of agreeing to meet with me when I am in their vicinity later this month. They will travel to do it and even went to the trouble of finding a restaurant. I am blessed.

          • Fancy_Pants says:

            Creating MAGIC! I love hearing about Mankanauts meetups in the wild!

          • damngoodcoffee says:

            It's so funny, I mentioned that you and I might potentially go to lunch somewhere in the area to my coworker, and she was immediately like 'this place! ' (of which I heartily approved). It's going to be really great to meet a fellow Mankanaut. 🙂

    • vladazhael says:

      I took a break from knitting yesterday after my cat slashed the palm of my left hand open (he didn't mean to; I was breaking up a fight). Not a whole lot of creativity the last couple days because my brain has been in Turbo Moving Prep Mode with a side of Professional Certification Education, but I'm trying to back away from internet noise and watch fewer mindless things in general care for my brainparts. Some of the concentration music mixes on YouTube are helpful in keeping things moving forward instead of me mentally spinning my wheels. Also I bought some excellent whiskey.

      • Fancy_Pants says:

        Yeah, you've got plenty on your plate. I keep meaning to cut back on internet noise, but I'm also in peak Fill My Brain With Garbage season, so it's tough. In addition to sketching/doodle time, I finally put a bunch of holds on library books so I can have some non-garbage to read when I have no motivation for anything else.

      • RoseCamelia says:

        Excellent whiskey can heal a cut. Or make it stop hurting. Or make you no longer care. It is known.

    • Xolandra says:

      I have given up textiles for reading for my side-hustle, which requires a lot of the same skill set and has a deadline.

      Does trolling ravelry for new patterns count as a "creativity exercise"?

    • jenavira says:

      I am on the hunt for creativity exercises, because Wow, I Am Struggling. In the past, when I had my writing mojo, I liked to write drabbles, in the strict sense: 100 words exactly, with as much emotional punch as possible. (I thrive on the tears of my readers.) They don't take long to do, but can be very satisfying.

      Not much creativity this week. I finished knitting a hat that's been sitting around for literal years. Despite the pattern calling for 10 yards less of yarn than the ball I had, I lost yarn chicken and had to order another ball to finish it off with. Now I have most of a ball of yarn I wasn't planning on and I'm trying to figure out what to do with it – I'm thinking a matching cowl. I don't actually like the hat much as is, but I think it'll look better if I block it, which the Internet tells me I ought to do by getting it wet and putting it on. This sounds Unpleasant, especially in the cold, so I'm procrastinating.

      • Doc_Paradise says:

        I did a drabble/short fiction exercise a bunch of years back that was "100 Nights of He and She" wherein I wrote 100 *different* interactions between two people (not the same two people) without using names. It was a challenge to get 100 *different* interactions.

        • jenavira says:

          Oooh, that's interesting. Thanks!

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            One of the things I learned from it is that it is harder to write happy or positive emotive drabbles. So, if gut punching your audience is your go to, then try the opposite. Make them laugh with joy or some such things.

        • Fancy_Pants says:

          THIS IS SO COOL! I keep saying that I don't know how to write fiction, but surely I could write 100 words, right? That seems manageable.

      • Fancy_Pants says:

        Have you tried the "morning pages" thing? Just sit down and barf out three pages of nonsense to get your brain used to putting words on a page.

        I'm hoping some of the writer-types can help you out here because I literally do not understand how writing fiction works.. like where even do people start?

        • RoseCamelia says:

          Thank you for this. I am not alone. Fiction is mystery to me.

        • jenavira says:

          I've done morning pages for a long time, but my schedule's been wonky lately, so I haven't had the time in a while. I should try doing it again.

          (I'll be honest, I'm also slightly at a loss right now. How did I write fiction, again? I don't know if its the meds or a very long-term depression, but the writer's block is in year three and going strong.)

          (Wait, that's not quite true. The writer's block is in year three and breaking up slightly. Like frost slowly melting off a heated window, I can see the shapes of things on the other side again, even if I don't know what they are or how to get there. I keep catching little glimpses that make me go, "Oooh, writing!" but I haven't been able to actually sit down and work yet.)

          • Fancy_Pants says:

            Yeah, we've chatted before about your writing brain getting rewired. I'm super interested in how this all pans out for you.

    • Heathered says:

      Creativity exercise: I draw mandalas. They are not "good," and sometimes they are more "a bad drawing in a circle," but they're a great way to take a snapshot of where my head's at. Five minutes, ten tops, no big deal. As for my own projects, the nonfiction writing is going well, but fiction ideas are in short supply. I think it will be a matter of just setting aside time to write and seeing what comes.

    • Lee Thomson says:

      I made two Coptic stitch bound books – they're small but cute, and THEN I put tiny art onto the covers and now they are Brilliant! I am SO pleased with myself. I'll post them on the blog later today (http://leethomsonart.com/blog).

      I've started what looks like a two week struggle to present me and my tarot in the best possible light for Kick starting. Once I have that link I will absolutely post it here, repeatedly, until Manka yells at me to stop.

      January Flail proceeds apace.

  11. damngoodcoffee says:

    I had seven meetings yesterday, and a minor flip out at the end of the day because seven meetings plus PMS plus doing laundry at night instead of relaxing into a boneless heap in front of the TV = my nerves going kablooey.

    It is not letting up particularly soon (today is relatively calm, but I've still been steadily busy 'til now, and tomorrow is right back into all the nonsense, and I'm working Saturday [and I worked Monday, too]), so I've been trying to be as calm as I can during the whole process. It has affected my sleep a bit, but on the plus side I've stuck to my New Year's resolution not to bring any work home with me.

  12. Lee Thomson says:

    Friends I have put a hard thing under the cut, CW suicide, attempted, sorta

    I need tea and sympathy

    • Doc_Paradise says:

      Listening. *brewing tea*

      *TEA*

    • RoseCamelia says:

      I am holding you in the light. I am holding your friend in the light. I am imagining each of you gently wrapped in the softest blankets of unconditional love, uncritical kindness.

      Is there something you wish you had just now?

    • Lee Thomson says:

      Our oldest dearest friends, married to each other, help us marry each other, are both having depression issues. She is coping with ageing and her father's death and some physical things. He is just … deeply depressed, and unsure how to be a fully rounded human. He worries he has no hobbies or things he wants to do, I think in retrospect he's been low key depressed for as long as we've known him (high school for Mr. Crow, like She and I have known each other since high school). Two summers ago, he stopped eating, and then checked himself into the hospital for depression. They both coped with that, and He worked his way through various meds. We've been visiting more, since the younger crows are less about; we all went together to the Caribbean this past winter, they came out to see us on the Maine island this summer. We love them, with that long term long distance love you save for people who knew you when, and still get you.

      I got a text yesterday that their daughter was headed home to help Her get Him into hospital because he was refusing to go. And not eating. Not eating sounds like the most passive possible way to kill yourself, but it works, and it strikes fear into Her. I got email from her last night, that they'd checked him. Another email this morning said he was still in the ER in a private room, and had been restrained because he was pulling his IV out. He agreed to stop, is sleeping, is quiet, is (it sounds) faintly better, but this knife edge of uncertain is SO FUCKING HARD. And I can't just drive there now because snow and also I don't want to go and be more nuisance than help.

      I just. Just. Fuck.

      • jenavira says:

        That is so, so hard. I am wishing strength for you and your friends, and real help that actually helps, and peace and rest for everyone as much as possible.

        And tea, lots and lots of tea.

      • Doc_Paradise says:

        Here. *hugs*

        You strike me as someone who copes better with something to *DO*. The helplessness must be especially hard on you.

      • Kazoogrrl says:

        I'm sorry, for everyone involved, and that you are feeling far away. I hope that this is the low point, and your friend is able to get the help that he needs, and his family the support they need.

      • RoseCamelia says:

        I'm so sorry. Very glad there is medical help. Can you turn this uncertainty into an image? Sketching or sewing or collaging might give your brain some relief from this emotion. But you weren't asking for solutions. All my thoughts are with you right now.

        • Lee Thomson says:

          probably not – but it is a good idea to store some of this up for later

          I think knitting would work though, both as focus and as binding magic

          • jenavira says:

            My best friend made a Guilt Shawl when her mom was in the hospital last year and she couldn't go stay with her. She gave it to her mom as a "Hooray Cancer-Free" present. Knitting is like a mailable, time-shifted hug.

      • Fancy_Pants says:

        They are in a crisis point right now, but depression isn't something that just goes away. It's so hard that you can't be with them right now, but your presence may be even more helpful at another time, in a month or two from now, when there is no news to speak of, but things still feel dark and difficult for them.

        Depression is such a beast. I will be keeping you and them in my thoughts.

        • vladazhael says:

          This this this. I know it must be awful to be far away and unable to help manage the crisis on the front lines, but being there in the long run, especially when others are likely burnt out, will be no less valuable.

        • Lee Thomson says:

          thank you – I am keeping an ear open for things to help now, but helping later would also be good

          it just feels so damn far away!

      • Doc_Paradise says:

        Would a book recommendation for a good book on suicide be a helpful thing for you?

        • Lee Thomson says:

          I duno't know? I didn't know there was such a thing.

          It seems so hard to think about this guy I've known and loved for so long being tired of being here. I'd be grateful for a book rec – I might not be able to cope with it though

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            *nod* That's quite understandable.

            "Suicide as Psychache: A Clinical Approach to Self-Destructive Behavior" by Edwin Shneidman

            I have several books on suicide on my shelf. This is the only one that doesn't make me think the author is trying to make the reader connect through making them *feel* all the *feels*. He is a suicidologist and his approach is compassionate and clinical. It is aimed at therapists but easy to read. He covers a bunch of related topics but I found his framework for thinking about why people self-destruct and the language he puts around it are particularly useful.

          • Lee Thomson says:

            Thank you! and thank you for having read it and knowing what is in it so you can recommend it. I'll see if I can find a copy somewhere.

          • Doc_Paradise says:

            I got my copy from Abebooks.

            The first section (Foundations) has most of the material I'm recommending to you. The other sections are interesting, but more research oriented. So, in specific, I'm recommending the first section of the book.

      • Xolandra says:

        ::hugs::

        I have nothing else. Just. ::hugs::

      • meat_lord says:

        Oh, god. I'm so sorry. It's so tough when friends are suicidal, especially when it is an ongoing concern. I send hugs to fortify you.

      • Absotively says:

        *hugs*

      • ru_ri says:

        Oh. I am so sorry. They sound like dear friends, and that is really hard. Wishing you exactly what @jenavira said: strength for all, help that is real help, and rest and peace. And also tea. <3 <3 <3

      • pseudonymica says:

        I very recently felt that agonizing brew of being far away from suffering loved ones on a knife edge, unable to go to them because of snow and self doubts about nuisance vs help.

        My aunt kindly and wisely told me that seeing my face would NEVER be a nuisance to those who love me in a time of need. So there's that, when you are able to go.

        But in retrospect, I beat myself up too much about not being there sooner. It was hard enough hearing only sparse updates and not getting to see my dad for myself, and I should have been kinder to myself and more accepting of the obstacles that were out of my control, like snow.

        I like your knitting idea, for binding magic. I crocheted two spiders on a spider web for my dad, and that was undoubtedly the best thing I did while in that scary exile.

      • Lynn says:

        I am so sorry. Living half a country away from my family I have had to be a distant bystander to a lot of my family's struggles with depression and it is really hard to feel like there is nothing you can do but wait for news.

      • CleverManka says:

        Oooof. This is sad and hard and there's nothing I can say that everybody here hasn't already, so…
        <img src="https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/clevermanka/1047329/258960/258960_900.gif"&gt;

      • Heathered says:

        Oh, my. I can only second what I see here in terms of your distance making this so much harder. I will keep you and your friends in my thoughts, and hope things ease for all of you soon.

    • redheadfae says:

      Hands you yet more tea…

      Do you read The Mighty website? They have some excellent articles, to include this one: https://themighty.com/2016/05/what-to-say-to-some

  13. ru_ri says:

    Popping in to say, still underwater at work and on the run. But finding my work more enjoyable than usual right now, so that is positive.

    Miss you all!!!

  14. pseudonymica says:

    I Terminated my old attorney and I am in the process of getting a new, female one. Excuse my misandry here (my dad is a retired attorney and if I could have someone like him gender wouldn't be an issue), but I am so glad I finally ditched this patronizing asshole and am less likely to be treated like a silly, hysterical child by the new one. I got my file yesterday and realized just how little this guy and his henchman listened to or respected me.

    My favorite part was early on, when the (not at fault) driver from my car accident was irate that I hired an attorney because he thought it would damage him legally, financially, and insurance-wise. He was demanding that I agree to give him a percentage of the final settlement. So I emailed Dufus, esquire, to (a) ask for clarification on the matter and (b) have a record of the threats I was getting in case Driver caused trouble at any point. Dufus replied in a patronizing "there, there silly goose" tone and ONLY addressed the part of Driver's irate text tirade where he said "I'm entitled to part of the small fortune you'll be getting." Dufus explained we have a lot of work to do first and it won't be that much money, especially after medical expenses. DUH. My entire point was "hey this guy is making outrageous false claims." (I have since figured out the answers to my questions myself. No it won't hurt Driver; he's a raging narcissist so he's going to think I owe him but I don't; I've freed myself from his gaslighting ways so I won't be swayed.)

    Anyway, I got to see the internal correspondence between Dufus and his henchman in regard to the matter. It was a single forward from attorney to assistant with a single comment: "LOL. Let's talk."

    KILL.

  15. redheadfae says:

    I don't have much energy today.. day two after surgery ended up being far worse than day one. Too much pain to get out of bed and the pain meds are barely touching it. But on the bright side, I'm home in my own bed.

    • Heathered says:

      Sending virtual bread pudding and hopes that you feel better soon! I hope you have enough support to allow full relaxation.

    • RoseCamelia says:

      Oh no. Call your surgeon's nurse in the morning if you still have more pain than the meds are mitigating. Meds can be adjusted. You don't have to endure pain. Please don't suffer without telling your medical team.

      Yay for your own bed. Wishing you warmth and sleep.

    • Lee Thomson says:

      Your own bed is such a profound relief, here's hoping you get your pain under control next

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